stories of the criplock myths

Discussion in 'Artistic Expressions' started by kill_you, Jun 7, 2003.

  1. kill_you

    kill_you Member!

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    Ok here is some of my work tell me what you think of it.

    The criplock is a powerful weapon. It can destroy every thing within one thousand miles of it. It was once used to win wars. However the power was too great for the owners own good. They put it in a stone coffin and cemented the top on. Then buried it miles under the ground. Now they hope that no one finds the cursed tool. They even destroyed all evidence that it even existed. They only overlooked one thing... the spirit of the criplock.

    10,000 years later

    *beep beep beep* Greg swung his hand on top of his alarm to shut it off. He really didn’t feel like getting up. He was only 14 years old but one of the best fighters in the city. He also at times had a six sent about danger. Its usually a cold chill down his back that tells him to stop were he was and turn the other way. As he got out of bed a rubbed his eyes. As he was about to leave his room he saw a note on his door

    Dear Greg,
    Had an important business call and had to leave early. I’ll be back late. I bout a TV dinners and put them in the fridge for you.
    Love dad.

    “Typical.†Greg said to himself as he walked down the stair case. He walked into the kitchen and looked in the fridge. There sat 3 TV dinners. “Should I have turkey and peas, macaroni and meatloaf, or chicken and green beans†he said. He reached in and grabbed out the macaroni and meatloaf. Then that feeling ran down his back. He examined the package... there was a hole in the bottom. Poison? He wondered. He heard a sound from the living room. He grabbed a knife and slowly walked in. he kept his back to a wall to avoid being snuck up on. He heard a door slam from the back of the house and ran there so he wouldn’t loose the intruder. He saw someone jump the fence in his back yard. He followed as fast as he could. Then he smelled smoke. He looked behind him to see his house on fire. “Oh beautiful!†he yelled to himself. He couldn’t help wondering who would want him dead this bad. He ran over to his house and saw a guy with a sword in his hand standing in the door way.
    “Greg how nice to see you.†The guy smiled.
    “What is all this about?†Greg said.
    “You have criplock powers. I can’t let you live.†The guy said.
    “What the **** are you talking about?†Greg asked.
    “You know what I’m talking about don’t play dumb with me.†The guy said. He had a perishing cold shrill down his back that almost made him fall. He heard a scream. It wasn’t a normal scream more like an evil trying to scare you scream. The guy started looking all around him. Greg could scents fare. A dark figure with red blazing eyes appeared.
    “no not you criplock.†The guy looked like he was about to cry.
    “you will pay.†The figure said. a thing that looked like a bracelet appeared in his hand. It had tones of shinny diamonds on it. A bright light that almost blinded Greg came out of it. He heard a loud scream this scream was the normal no stay away scream followed by a big explosion.

    Well that’s all the time I have for today tell me what you think of it.
     
  2. kill_you

    kill_you Member!

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    He closed is eyes until the sound diapered. When he opened his eyes the busy city that was once there was reduced to an empty wasteland. There was a spot on the ground that was bright. With a shovel next to it. “What how? Everything was destroyed.†The shovel flew into his hands. “oh I get it.†He stuck the shovel into the bright ground. He started digging. He dug for 3 strait days until he hit something hard. “Oh what do I do now?†he yelled to the sky. A red skinny light came from the sky and hit the cement. Then it spun in a perfect cercal almost hitting Greg. There was now a hole in the cement. Greg stuck his hand in and pulled out a bracelet with diamonds on it. “This is the same one the black thing was holding.†He told himself. Then he looked out to the top of his hole. “Oh no how am I going to get out of this?†then a thought hit him that made him laugh “I dug myself into this hole all I need to do now his dig myself out.†He started trying to climb up the side. It wasn’t to hard to climb up, he was up there in about two hours.
    “Good work I didn’t think you could do it.†There was someone standing there.
    “Who are you?†Greg asked.
    “My name is Zed, I have been looking for that for years.†He said.
    “What this bracelet?†Greg asked.
    “Yes the criplock it’s the most valuable item in the universe.†Zed said.
    “So what are you a tomb raider?†Greg asked.
    “Well enough small talk, give me the criplock.†Zed said.
    “Hay I’m the one who broke my back digging the hole why should I give it to you?†Greg asked.
    “Because you’re a little kid and wouldn’t know what to do with it!†Zed yelled.
    “Well what would you do with it?†Greg asked.
    “JUST GIVE IT TO ME!!!†Zed yelled. Zed pulled a dagger out of his pocket and was about to stab Greg. But Greg held the criplock in the air and zed stopped in his tracks. Then his arm bended and the knife was pointing at him. Greg closed his hand around the criplock and Zed stabbed himself.
     
  3. kill_you

    kill_you Member!

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    “So you know how to use it.†Zed said as he fell on his knees. “beware its power.†Zed fell completely on the ground.
    “This has been one hell of a day.†Greg said to himself.

    Greg has been traveling for another day.
    “Oh man I’m so hungry I haven’t eaten anything for 5 whole days.†He said to him self. He was still in a wasteland. Whatever blow up this place was powerful. he still couldn’t find any sigh of life except for zed. Then in the distance he saw a lake “I’m saved.†He ran over to it and dived into it. He expected a nice refreshing dip but got a mouthful of sand. “Oh come on!†he yelled to the sky “if your going to touchier me at least be more original then that!†he started laughing. “I got an all powerful weapon and I’m stuck in the middle of a wasteland. Thanks a lot criplock! Your soooooooooooooo generous!†he yelled to the sky. He continued walking. Then in the distance he saw what was unmistakably a building. “A civilization!†he said to himself. He forced his legs to run even though they felt like falling off. As he got closer he saw more houses and buildings. “A city!†he said. he finally made it to the city. It was empty. “hello.†He heard his eco *hello hello hello* “its empty†he saw a McDonalds place and walked in. no one was in there. He gone in the back and got a cup then pored soda into it. He gulped it down “that tastes good.â€
    “You didn’t pay for that.†There was someone standing in the door way.
    “Who are you?†Greg asked.
    “You know how famous you and that criplock are.†He said.
    “I know who I am who are you?†Greg said.
    “My names Jake.†He said.
    “Well what do you want?†Greg asked.
    “You have a criplock.†Jake said.
    “No kidding.†Greg said.
    “Its not at its full power yet, I’m here to help you with that.†Jake said.
    “How?†Greg asked.
    “With this.†Jake was holding a diamond.
    “What is it.?†Greg asked.
    “Back along time ago when the criplock was berried 3 diamonds were taken off it so it would be harder to get it at its full power.†Jake explained “I have one of them.â€
    “Well that’s nice see you later.†Greg pushed past him.
    “Ok fine then, you’ll never do anything but control movement.†Jake said.
    “so what?†Greg asked.
    “well with this diamond you will be able to fly, with another diamond you can blow things up, with all three you can go into a daemon form and be a thousand times stronger.†Jake d.
    “ok you got my attention.†Greg said. “Now give me that diamond†Jake handed it to him.
    “well we should get going, we don’t want anyone finding those diamonds first.†Jake said.
     
  4. Emperor Pan I

    Emperor Pan I Respected Member

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    From:
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    Story 8/10
    originality 7/10
    style 6/10
    structured 5/10
    Spelling/Grammer 6/10
    Overall 7.5

    Reviewers Comments:
    Interesting story. The overall aspects are interesting, a bit confusing alot, especialy where all these poeple come from, but im sure you'll cover that. it is definately original, im not sure about having magic powers and such, but overall it is different. It is written pretty good, it is in good paragraphs, and the spelling and greammer is alright, ut i found several mistakes. I think u should use commas more often, to seperate ideas and such. Overall, i think it is good, and keep writting.
     
  5. kill_you

    kill_you Member!

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    They walked out of McDonalds and started walking north.
    "So how much longer do we have to walk?" Greg asked.
    "Longer then you would think." Jake answered.
    "Figures." Greg said. So they kept on walking through the uninhabited city. "I should have grabbed a burger wile I was in there."
    "Well its not to late go on in and get some food." Jake said. Greg ran in and grab about five burgers and started eating them as they walked through town. He saw that they have reach the end of town and were walking trough yet another desert.
    "Man I'm sick of this when will we find a real city with real people?" Greg said.
    "don't worry we are almost there, My friend in town haves another piece." Jake said.
    "ok." Greg was kicking a rock.
    "funny I didn't think that their would be rocks here." Jake said.
    "well does it matter? After all its just a rock." Greg said. Jake picked it up and started examining it. "oh come on its just a stupid rock."
    "no it's a camera, we're being spied on." Jake said.
    "by who." Greg started to get that feeling going down his back. "Jake watch out, there someone very close by."
    "how do you know." Jake asked.
    "I just do ok, but were could he hide?" Greg said, Greg saw the sand move. "OH SHIT HE'S UNDER THE SAND!!!" some kind of shark looking robot flew out of the sand and hit Jake's arm, his arm started to get soaked with blood. Jake tore off a piece of his shirt and wrapped is wound. Greg pulled the criplock out of his pocket, Jake pulled out his sword.
    "Keep your eyes open it could be anywhere." Jake said. Greg saw the sand move again.
    "OVER THERE." He yelled. The shark flew out of the ground again, Greg made it stop in thin air with the criplock wile Jake cut in half with his sword.
     
  6. Emperor Pan I

    Emperor Pan I Respected Member

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    Don't make me give you a 1/10 try and use "" for qiotations not ??
     
  7. kill_you

    kill_you Member!

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    well something must have gone wrong, i tyiped this on microsoft word then pasted it here... something gone wrong and put question marks instead

    ok i fixed it
     
  8. kill_you

    kill_you Member!

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    “So what was that thing?†Greg asked.
    “I bet it belongs to the blood-lust gang.†Jake said “Zed was one of them.â€
    “How did you know I know zed?†Greg asked.
    “Ummm you told me remember.†Jake said.
    “well I don’t remember telling you, oh well I just forgot.†Greg said. They started walking again, in a little wile they saw a town over the horizon. “is that the place?†Greg asked.
    “yup we’re almost there.†Jake said. Greg started to run towards the town. “your in a hurry.â€
    “well I haven’t been around normal people for a wile.†Greg said.
    “saying I’m not normal?†Jake said trying to keep up with Greg.
    “nope. Ha ha ha†Greg responded. They reached the town and looked around. “oh don’t tell me this place is deserted to.â€
    “no I was here just a few days ago there was billions of people here.†Jake said, Greg started looking around more. He walked into a bar, it was empty. Jake walked in “this town is empty.â€
    “I wonder wee they gone to.†Greg said.



    Sorry but that’s all the time I have for today.