My story threads.

[TrongaMonga]

The fall of Amantis​

Once upon a time, there was this lady and this knight.

The knight was coRtALoS, the lady was Theroy. They went to their castle, living togheter, happy forever.

Forever? No, not forever, for the evil witch, Amantis, appeared mounted in the Flying Renzo and broke the happy couple with some Happy Candies bombs.

It was then that the great warrior, kamikaze, appeared, and was about to kill Amantis when he saw coRt. It was love in the first sight!

It was then that Amantis, Renzo and her body guard, Maverick, started losing advantage. The entire scene of coRtALoS running in his underwear with kamikaze behind him caused those demonic and infernall fiends to start laughing to death.

**​

However, Amantis was too strong to die just from that, and she managed to wake up.

She woke up Maverick and Renzo, and they were about to destroy coRt and kamikaze.

After running and running, kamikaze managed to catch coRtALoS. However, as Amantis was atacking his love, he fought to defend him

That way, he managed to bring down Renzo with laughs, but Maverick managed to hold Kamikaze long enough for Amantis to toss a Candy into Kamikaze mouth.

Kamikaze fainted.

When coRt was about to be defeated, it was then that the mighty TrongaMonga appeared. His strength was so big that Maverick gave up just by seeing his holy fire.

However, Amantis was not so chicken. She casted rain into Tronga, but he just watched impassively while the rain evaporated just by touching him.

Tronga casted then his one and final blow, the Ultimate Shot.

No, he didn't fart..

Amantis was dead!

**​

The party began.

SkuZZy, the ancient king, came back from the death world, and was arguing with coRt about the tapes of his mother.

There was hunter_killer shaking his ass all over the reign, and hitting everyone with it.

There was Galatia, playing drums like a wacko fat moto drumer.

There was Theroy, dancing with Pan, her maid of honor.

There was kamikaze, kept in a jail by the whole rest of the reign, as his passion was very strong, and he has the physic of a Greek God.

There was TrongaMonga, floating over the reign, giving not a flying sh!t about the guys in the floor below.

And so they lived happily forever .

The End.

 

[Amantis]

.....

You have been affectionately
~BANNED~
for posting such explicit story lines about your superiors!​

Nah...joking. You're already 'banned' anyway, so no point there, right?

Alrighty, here are my comments:
Story - Fairytale style. Cute 8/10
Originality - They all lived happily ever after...not 'Brothers Grimm' (unabridged version) enough, but it will do 7/10
Style - Quite hard to pinpoint, but then and again, you've already got that funny unique style of yours, so: 9/10
structure - Introduction, buildup, body, climax, conclusion, recession. Logical enough 10/10
Spelling/Grammar - Pretty good compared to most people who are more fluent in the language 9/10
Overall - Short and simple, yet funny and enjoyable. Many can express themselves in 800 words, but how many can express the same ideas under 100? 9/10

- Amantis

 

[Galatia]

Story: Interesting. It should have ended at the fart. 7/10
Originality: First BattleForums FF. 8/10
Style: Disastrous. 9/10.
Structure: Insane. 8/10.
Spelling-grammar: The *Amantis was not so chicken* gets my 10/10!
Overall:Can't wait for part Two. 8/10.

 

[bamthedoc]

Story: 7/10
Originality: 7/10
Style: 8/10
Structure: 7/10
Spelling/Grammer: 9/10
Overall: 8

Funny, very funny! I have to ask: Where did you get the idea? For Portuguese (<--See, my spelling stinks! I don't know if that's right...) being your first language, that is an excellent use of spelling/grammer. Das ist nich schlect! Looking forward to more, and maybe even serious, stories!

 

[TrongaMonga]

Ah, yes, I may think of making a serious story when I don't have anything else to do, true.

And, it beats me where did I get the idea from, it just came. Inspiration, I guess.

And Portuguese is well written, yes

 

[Renzokuken]

Renzo shall return in Part Two. Just you wait!

 

[Unknown_Being]

Well, although insane, it's a decent story in it's own respect. Is it just me or does bamthedoc review just about every story there is(out of the ones I've read)? And the style of insanity is, again in it's own respect, pretty good. And your technical score is nice. Good work! I understand that this is beside the point, but where'd you get that avatar? It's like a High Templar / Darchon Hybrid(High Templar merging with a Dark Templar to make a High Dark Archon? lol)... wierd...