Harry Potter and the wizard mafia

[D.F.I.]

Chapter 1: Back at home

It was a hot, sunny day at Privet Drive. Uncle Vernon was away at work, Aunt Petunia cleaning the dishes (suprising, thought Harry), and Dudley hanging around with his fatass gang. Harry was hanging around the front, careful not to get his Aunt's attention. The Dursleys were pretty angry (modest, in Harry's terms) and were trying to kill him, for sending away, giving him enough time to escape. Damn, Harry thought. Why can't Aunt Petunia run out, and chase me away from the front yard?
Harry heard a bang to the left of him, and turned his head round. There stood a red-haired freak, named Fred Weasley.
"Hiya, Harry!" Fred said to Harry, waving at him. Harry stuck his middle finger out at him, and retorted, "F*** off, Fred. Leave me alone."
"Well, then........see ya, ass." Fred threw a roll of parchment at Harry's feet. Fred dissapeared with a pop.
"What's going on outside?" the voice came from inside. Harry decided not to answer. Quickly, Harry unrolled the piece of parchment.......

To be Continued.....

 

[D.F.I.]

On the parchment, Harry read....

Go to hell Harry,

This is Hermione. I am telling you that I have a new boyfriend. His name is Alan Chow. Even though he sucks as a wizard, I simply love his fat. All that fat can make me a lot of galleons, and gives me intense warmth. Yeah yeah, I know that you would feel disgusted by this information, i'm only writing this to tell you not to come over to my house anymore for extreme pleasure. And, the reason I only like him is that he can't move. And oh yeah, Ron is a big fat ass now. He can't beat Ginny in an arm wrestle. that's pretty funny. Well, F*** off and don't even reply.

"Well, I don't even know where you live, biatch," Harry muttered. He ate the parchment. "Yum."

Harry went back inside the house, where, to his utmost horror, saw Aunt Petunia doing it on the table, with, somehow, Dudley.

 

[kill_you]

lol ha ha ha rofl

 

[D.F.I.]

Harry ignored the both of them, and went up the stairs. Harry, angry of hermione's insensitivity, kicked his bedroom door open. "Oh great. Why the f*** are you here George?" Harry asked.
"Why are you being so mean to us?" George coldly asked Harry.
"Because," Harry replied, "that you stupid brother Ron.."
"He's not stupid! You're the stupid one, asshole!"
Harry quickly pulled out his wand. "Don't call me stupid. You're the stupid one, George. Now get lost."
"Fine. Just because Hermione..."
"SHUT UP!!" Harry shouted. "I'll curse you if you don't get lost!"
George dissapeared. "Good. Now I have to meet them."

 

[TheNamelessYam]

thats really messed up, but it kicks the shit out of the real harry potter books.

 

[Emperor Pan I]

I am sending this to the Asylum. I do not believe this story reflects a mature outlook, and this is better off in the asylum. you can do two things,
either continue it in the asylum, or i will welcome you back to the fanfiction forum, and hope that you write a more mature story.

 

[Vice_Vex]

Like the asylum needs more disfunctional crap!

 

[tassadar920]

lol true... this should be in fan-ficition.. that's what it is .

EDT: well ok not really.. but techinically

:fwink

 

[Arkillo]

Originally posted by Vice_Vex
Like the asylum needs more disfunctional crap!

Arn't you one of the people that are supposed to do something about that stuff?

 

[Radium]

Send it back, like fat men with their food

 

[CelestialBadger]

Originally posted by Pan
I am sending this to the Asylum. I do not believe this story reflects a mature outlook, and this is better off in the asylum. you can do two things,
either continue it in the asylum, or i will welcome you back to the fanfiction forum, and hope that you write a more mature story.

Because we all know that stories aren't supposed to be fun. They all have to be serious right?

 

[Vice_Vex]

Well, I think the fanfiction forum has new rules, and they do not look as though they follow them.

And yes i deal with crap, so i don't want more of it.

 

[CelestialBadger]

The rules are stupid.

 

[Abominable Pamma]

Noo, my gaheadga dedication story got moved

 

[Emperor Pan I]

Originally posted by CelestialBadger
The rules are stupid.

Think what you wish about the rules. it is in the interest of everyone that we do not keep stupid spam threads.

 

[CelestialBadger]

Oh, and I forgot that you should decide what stories are worthy of your blessed presense. Someone who doesn't understand satire shouldn't have that job.

 

[Galatia]

The FF rules are not stupid, IMO, but ddn2002's story is good satire. Needs a little more magic and a few less asterisks.

 

[CelestialBadger]

Fine. Then the application of the rules is stupid.