Starcraft story (help me out a lil)

Discussion in 'StarCraft: Brood War' started by SmashBros.Pro, Sep 24, 2002.

?

Hows it looking so far?

  1. Awesome

    19 vote(s)
    32.2%
  2. Good

    11 vote(s)
    18.6%
  3. Average

    3 vote(s)
    5.1%
  4. Needs Improvement

    6 vote(s)
    10.2%
  5. Sucks

    4 vote(s)
    6.8%
  6. I Have No Idea Cuz Im Too Lazy To Read It

    16 vote(s)
    27.1%
  1. RyanXWing

    RyanXWing Nothing special

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    I double posted alot too....
    This story is going to rule the world!

    (First post in months)
     
  2. TrongaMonga

    TrongaMonga Grumpy Old Grandpa

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    I actually took sometime before doing anything...

    It seems I've failed!

    Please don't turn me into a maggot :rainfro
     
  3. coRtALoS

    coRtALoS -=[ Retired BF Admin ]=-

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    Actually I have a punishment far worse than castration or electricuting your balls off...

    I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU AN ADMINISTRATOR!!!!

    ... think of the horror... having to explain to everyone why the forums are down on a regular basis. Plus you have to talk to Swooper... *shudder*

    Don't make me think of it anymore. :(
     
  4. SilverSteel

    SilverSteel Member!

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    All is kool,
    just way too long....
     
  5. TrongaMonga

    TrongaMonga Grumpy Old Grandpa

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    For 10 days you made me disappear with that :(

    I hope you reconsidered in turning me into a maggot... Did you?
     
  6. Wing Zero

    Wing Zero lol just as planned

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    i thought u died of talking to Swooper
     
  7. eSc0

    eSc0 Member!

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    i only read the first 2 pages but the story sounded decent

    3 problems i had when i read it is that fade seems way to "cool"
    also why would zeratual be so nice to the ppl that just destroyed his ship and killed his entire crew? and why would fade and zaran be so kind to trust him so quickly?

    the third thing was that zeratul was way to fast to be giving out secret technology to them.
     
  8. coRtALoS

    coRtALoS -=[ Retired BF Admin ]=-

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    Perhaps a side story could be written about Zeratul and Fade. One could assume that perhaps in the past they had known each other. Fade didn't lower his weapon until he had had time to asses the situation, and deemed the Protoss as something he could handle if the situation became hostile.

    While no previous relationship is hinted within the storyline, I agree looking back at that section of the story.

    I think another problem I had was the story became too epic for me to keep track of. With Smash kinda gone from the forums now too, it's difficult to brainstorm with him anymore. :(

    Thanks for your input though eSc0.
     
  9. SilverSteel

    SilverSteel Member!

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    I think it lag some information,
    u jump into the another part too soon
     
  10. SmashBros.Pro

    SmashBros.Pro BattleForums Senior Member

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    Yes I agree, but this is a rough draft of the final product. I've rewritten the first and second paragraph and went into more detail with it.

    And for your viewing pleasure... I introduce the extended, but I would like to finish the story before I rewrite everything so I won't be making any rewrites until The End.

    ------------​

    Prologue ​

    It’s the year 2455 AD; life for the Terran race is getting worse as the days pass. The planet the Terran race inhabits is going through an extreme crisis. Because of the galactic wars the Terran often participated in, it was no surprise that the planet was being sucked dry of all its precious resources. Because of the planets shortage in important minerals and natural gases, it has become highly unstable. All had seemed lost for the planet of Segea.


    Chapter 1​

    When just about everyone has given up hope Commander Zaren, of the Inner-stellar Patrol, received information on a distant planet located in Galactic Zone 423.
    * "Commander, permission to speak sir?†Asked Lieutenant Geana.
    * “Permission granted.†Replied Commander Zaren.
    * “We have gathered intelligence on a distant planet, possibly inhabitable, in Galactic Zone 423.†Said Lt. Geana.
    * “Is there a chance we could terra-form the planet?†Asked Zaren.
    * “Yes sir, “radar images indicate that the planet has all resources needed to create a colony. Terra-forming may not even be needed!†Said Lt. Geana enthusiastically.
    * “I would like a full report on this within the next 30 minutes.†Said Zaren as he turned and walked off.
    * “Yes, sir!†Shouted Geana, then he turned and began his work.
    Thirty minutes has passed and Lt. Geana arrived not a minute later with the documents Zaren asked for. Zaren saluted and dismissed Lt. Geana, then turned to make the call to Ambassador Aron.
    * “Hello?â€, said Aron’s secretary.
    * “Yes, this is Commander Zaren Lighs. I need to speak with Ambassador Aron immediately.†Said Zaren.
    * “I’m sorry, but he’s in a very important meeting right now and he asked not to be disturbed.†Said the secretary.
    * “Don’t give me that bull crap, this is an emergency.†Zaren said angrily.
    * “You don’t have to be rude, but if it’s that important than I guess I’ll put him on†Said the secretary.
    After 15 minutes of being on hold Ambassador Aron finally decided to talk.
    * “What is the big emergency?†Aron said nervously.
    * “Sir, I have evidence that there is a planet in located in Galactic Zone 43 that has a possibility of terra-forming.†Said Zaren, not realizing he had made a mistake on the planet’s location.
    * “Are you serious?!†Said Aron excitedly.
    * “As serious as a heart attack sir.†Said Zaren.
    * “Well in that case, report to my office immediately. Out†Said Aron as he hung the phone up.

    It was long afterwards when Zaren arrived at Ambassador Aron’s residence. Two guards awaited at the door wearing the traditional tuxedo with black sunglasses. Zaren couldn’t help wondering why they had to dress casual to take a bullet for someone. When he approached the door the two guards opened the door and followed Zaren to Ambassador Aron’s office. When they finally made it to his office the guards stationed themselves on each side of the door and gave Zaren permission to enter.
    Zaren opened the doors and approached Aron’s desk.
    * “I’m glad to see you made it safely, now please have a seat.†Said Aron. “Now that you’re here I want you to do me a favor.â€
    * “What is it, sir?†Asked Zaren.
    * “I want you to be the lead officer on this mission.†Said Aron.
    * “Mission..?†Asked Zaren.
    * “Yes, I would like you to navigate to the planet you mentioned, setup an outpost, and contact the SCI (Segea Central Intelligence) when you’ve gathered details on the planets conditions.†Said Aron.
    * “Of course I will accept!†Said Zaren excitedly.
    * “I knew you couldn’t turn down this offer. Now then†Aron dropped a small folder on the desk, “this folder contains details on ten people; each specializing in certain fields of work. I want you to take this folder and gather these ten people.â€
    * “Are these people aware of this mission?†Asked Zaren.
    * “No, most of them are actually war hero’s that have settled down and began normal lives.†Replied Aron.
    * “But sir, if they have began normal lives, what makes you sure they would go back into the military life?†Asked Zaren
    * “Well, I’m not sure to be honest. But I am authorizing you to make them an offer that will be hard to refuse.†Said Aron.
    * “What’s that sir?†Asked Zaren.
    * “$50,000 payment when the mission is completed.†Said Aron.
    * “I don’t mean to be rude sir, but that offer can be easily refused.†Said Zaren.
    * “Yes, but that’s not all. They will also receive $10,000 every two weekor the rest of their lifetime.†Said Aron.
    * “Now you’re talking.†Said Zaren with a grin on his face.
    * “Well, I should let you get to work. Report back when you’ve gathered them to confirm who will be accepting the mission. You are dismissed.†Said Aron.
     
  11. shrimpshark

    shrimpshark Member!

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    Ryan why do you let them treat you like such a child?! Your not allowed to do shit with out them holding your hand! So just start a new story plagurize all you want from the carpet munchers...


    P.S. I came up with the worms...
     
  12. Renzokuken

    Renzokuken Saved

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    I would've closed this, but the creator bumped it.

    I hope you can finish this story sometime, Smash ;)
     
  13. Malcom Sex

    Malcom Sex Member!

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    you might want to mention the actual terrans themselves. like genetically augmented humans from the homeland. i was reading the manual for sc and it mentions that the information on the genetic augments that would later benefit mankind were sent back to the homeworld after the great purging. then, the stronger, smarter, and better terrans could rush to the aid of the lesser powerful terrans.