Sample Chapter from my Novel "Documents of Grief"

Discussion in 'Artistic Expressions' started by RoaCh of DisCord, Mar 30, 2009.

  1. RoaCh of DisCord

    RoaCh of DisCord Premium Member

    May 17, 2003
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    This is a random chapter, I know a few people wanted to read a bit of it. I'd be very greatful and appreciative if anyone could read this and critique. Though I do say, it's very rough. I'm no-where near finished..this is just a very rough piece of it.

    Also, I know the writing style is odd, but I wanted it this way. First person, present tense. Not a lot of writer's choose this style, some even hate it, but for this I found it appropriate. I really wanted the reader to feel like they were right there as it was happening, so I felt this style was most fitting. Anywho...

    Reflections don't they?

    Glaring wide-eyed into the distant emptiness, I squint forcefully as my legs continue to push forward; gliding down the hallway with an abrupt need. Looking straight ahead..I glare with confusion as the hall seems to stretch on for miles and miles – leading downward into a hollow abyss of nothingness. “What the hell..where is the end of this thing?†I growl deeply as the hallway stretches on. My legs begin to burn with an intense ache. “I'm coming..!†I pant out as I continue my frantic journey down the seemingly endless walkway. Glancing to my right and then to my left, I gaze desperately at the now rusted walls – looking for anything new – a picture, a photo, a scratch, a dent. Unfortunately, all that is apparent is the same constant rhythm – the repetitious texture of rusted wall. I continue forward aimlessly.

    A second scream is heard.

    “Heather! Heelp! Please help me!â€

    My throat tightens.

    “Oh my god..Emily..I'm coming..just hold on!†I cry as I continue forward.

    “Come on damnit!†I shriek into the blackness.

    Glancing downward toward the dark wood ground, I trace my eyes across the dirty, buckled floor boards. “This just goes on forever..†I whisper to myself, as I look back up and peer into the thick emptiness.

    Breathing hectically, I close my eyes, trying to concentrate on my movements – trying to force my tired body to keep pushing forward; continue fighting for my helpless sister.

    Suddenly my concentration is broken.

    Screaming out – I gasp abruptly as I suddenly push against a subtle bump in the flooring. My feet sprawl out beneath me, launching me forward into a dash of uncontrollably lost footsteps.

    “No!†my voice cries out as a loud crunch is heard throughout the dark hallway – the crunch of my body impacting against an abrupt blocking. I slam to the floor.

    “Ahgh! I moan.

    Gazing over to my side, my eyes widen with surprise as a cold, rusted wall greets itself through the thick darkness. – a sudden ending to a once never ending path.

    “Great..†I moan as I reach out and brush my fingers against the rotting wall. I force myself to my knees as I gasp, trying to regain my breath.
    “Oww..god dammit..†I wheeze as I rise to my feet with caution. An electrifying shock of pain currents throughout my legs and back. I breath deeply, trying to ignore the physical hurt.

    “Oh god..†I moan.

    Turning in a deliberate circle, I carefully view my surroundings – the darkness, the walls to my sides, the wall that lays dormant to my back..the one I so clumsily fell into.

    “ just ends..†I say startled, my voice drowning with confusion.

    Stumbling a few inches forward to the abrupt stop, I place my hands upon the cold, damp wall. My body shudders.

    “Okay..†I whisper to myself reassuringly as I lift my hand from the wall and knock my fist against the dirty surface. The sound echoes through the nearly endless hallway. Nothing else is heard.

    “It doesn't seem's...solid. This just ends..."

    "What the hell..?â€

    Lost and confused, I spin around to face the black abyss that floods the space behind me. Glancing into the thickness, I look wearily into the long dark hallway, hoping to see something meaningful. Something helpful. Sadly it's just too dark.

    An eerie silence looms over the path, blanketing every inch of the empty space as sudden visions of horror films enter my mind. I shudder. “Dark endless hallway...lost little girl.. a perfect scene for a horror piece..†I whisper to myself nervously. “A real life horror piece. If I'm dead, this must be hell.â€

    I shudder again – this time from my own words.

    “Alright, shut up heather..†I whisper to myself as my head pounds. “shut up..shut up..â€

    Hazily glaring down the path from which I ran; hoping for some sort of understanding; for some sort of sanity, I continue to stare down into the looming walkway from hell. “Does this make sense..does this mean something?†I ask myself. I wait for a revelation but nothing comes to mind. Nothing but silence. I pause momentarily, lost in the bleak quiet.

    “What can I do?†I whisper into the voiceless black. No sound is heard, not even the echo of my own words. I turn back to the wall and press my hands against the cold surface once more.

    “I just give up..†I cry as rest my forehead against the damp wall. A strange heaviness enters my mind as my eyes begin to close. My heart slows, as the silence drags on for what seems like hours.

    And then it stops..

    A sudden thudding fills my ears – a sudden break in the lifeless solace. My eyes jolt open, only to realize the sound is something familiar – the simple pounding of my own heart. I smirk.

    “Scared of my own heartbeat..†I whisper as I close my eyes once again. I begin to softly note the beats; attempting to pass time; move through this horrible event.

    “One..†I whisper as I begin to count the consistent beats; attempting to find something real; something to hold on to..





    “What?†I screech as I turn opposite of the ending wall. “What the hell was that?†I whisper through the darkness as I search for the strange sound.


    I quiver nervously as the strange sound continues; sliding, sucking, grinding against the darkened walls; an oddity that seems to collapses itself into the void of my apparent consciousness. I take a step back and breathe, trying to understand what's happening. My mind begins to clear, but only slightly as I come to a sudden realization; the silence that I once had is gone – now something else is here – something..else.

    A strange flicker reflects against my eyes as I squint and jerk my head around.

    “Oh no..†I cringe as I glance upon the rusted walls.


    My body jerks in fear as the sound gets louder. I close my eyes and take a breath. “Okay..calm down..†I tell myself.

    Glancing up towards the ceiling, I groan as I begin to see something..something, moving.

    “No.. please, no visions, no nightmares, please..†I plead intensely as my eyes remain locked against the relatively low ceiling that looms just a few feet above. In a single blink, I cringe with terror as a sudden thick, dark-red liquid driftingly seeps from the edges of the wide ceiling, noisily running down; sliding against the cool surfaces of the old walls. Trails of crimson red run down in thick lines, leaving behind horrific trails of liquid death upon the rustic surface. My breathing begins to race as everything else begins to slow.

    “No..†I manage to choke out. “Please god..â€
    Startled by a sudden crackle, I jolt around to the wall that lay once dormant behind me as my eyes reflect against a strange and sudden movement; a sudden pulsate. An unintelligible whimper escapes my frantic lips as I realize the walls are moving – beating, much like the beat of my own heart. I jerk backwards as a my eyes meet the view of a sudden strange opening in the wall – a tiny apparent hole. Strange echoes flow from the small opening – emitting themselves into the air like the unwanted notes of a murderous instrument. I wince as I stare at the strange puncture mark – A hole that was never there before – at least to my knowledge.


    The strange sound is heard again as I instinctively jump once more; engulfed in a cloud of complete and total terror. Almost unconsciously, I begin to move forward towards the small opening; closing in on the mysterious hole. My eyes meet the center as I stare in anxious wonder. Flickering the lids of my eyes; forcing to see; I look closely as an unexpected spurt of dark blood bubbles out from a small opening; pouring itself down in thickened clumps; dropping upon the dark wood floor. I jerk back wincing. “Ohh!†I cry as a second spurt pumps from the small opening, splashing again my black jeans. I look down in horror as I close my eyes; only to feel the warm wetness of blood splash against my tired face. I reach up responsively to wipe my cheek.

    “STOP THIS!†I scream as the strange sloshing sounds seems to intensify in response to my own desperate shout. My heart races.

    Bum bum … bum bum...

    “Please..†I cry thinly.

    Bum bum … bum bum...

    I shiver as a second strange beating sound echoes through the hallway – strumming it's horrible notes in perfect tune with the beat of my own heart. I breath deeply and clamp my eyes shut. Suddenly the loud thumping stops – leaving only one subtle rhythm, the sound of my own heart. I open my eyes to a momentary stillness.
    “Oh god..†I breath deeply as I carefully grasp my emotions; wrestling them back down into the dreary fog from which resides inside myself.

    “Okay..†I moan as I walk carefully and cautiously toward the wall in front of me. Approaching the small opening once again, I crouch down to align my view with the small hole. My heart races even faster than before. I stare into the small opening.

    “It's too dark..†I think to myself.

    A faint echo is heard from the tiny opening. I move closer with the hopes of hearing something...
    Something, I soon hear.

    "Please help me.." a small voice whimpers from the other side of the small hole. Startled by the sound, I quickly jolt myself up to a straight position.

    I breath deeply and move in closer once again.

    “Please, I'm in here..†the soft voice cries.

    My heart drops.

    “Emily?†I whisper as I place my hands against the cold wall.

    “Please Heather..please help me..†the voice cries.

    A sudden moment from the past flashes within my minds eye with the shock of an electric spark. I breath heavily as visions of Emily fill the ruins of my mind. And in that moment I see her again -- playing in her doll house cheerfully – moving the dolls in and out of the small home – her face longing and hopeful; mine cold and cruel. Tears begin to well up in the sockets of my red eyes.

    “Please help me Heather..†the voice cries again. I immediately answer as the sorrow of regret burns deep throughout my consciousness.

    “Oh my god..Emily..†I cry as I press my ear against the blood-soaked wall.

    Words begin to tumble from my lips.

    “I'm trying Emily..I really am.. please..Emily..I'm so sorry..Emily please, please listen to me..I'm so sorry for being a bad sister, I'm so sorry fo..â€

    My voice freezes mid sentence.

    “Turn around......â€

    A deep, snarling voice growls from somewhere behind me – somewhere far too near. I choke.

    “Heatherrrrr...†the deep voice melodically growls in a faint whisper, shattering my contact with Emily. The word seems to drag on in a slow wheeze...echoing from every which way.

    My heart pounds as my feet slowly begin to turn; turning towards the growling whisper. A strange sounds gurgles from my throat as I try to breath.

    My eyes search the room slowly..yet..nothing is seen. My heart pumps.

    “h..hh...hell..o..†I choke out. No answer.

    I turn back around towards the abrupt end of the hallway; only to come across something quite unexpected; quite alarming. In a moment of silent fear, My eyes flash upon a haggard looking woman with dark hair – her gravely black clothes torn in random areas. She stands wearily, looking as if she is trying to whisper; trying to say something but can't. Her eyes squint as her mouth parts open ever so slightly – yet no sound comes out. I choke as I flinch away; jumping back from the strange woman. The woman jumps back in motion with my own movement. I cry out, only to realize that woman is me.

    Trying to comprehend the sudden vision, my eyes glance around the reflection. “A..a..mirror...†I choke out. “This wasn..was..wasn't here..†I struggle to say.

    “Okay..breath..breath..†I tell myself.

    Suddenly, I do; though not as well as one would hope.

    Moving slowly forward, I approach the large wall sized mirror and press my hands upon the cool glass. The reflection mimics my movements. I stare into the cold mirror; watching myself with alarm. My ghost-like face lingers in front of me – so pale; so corpse-like. Backing away just slightly, I continue to stare into my own reflection, analyzing each line on my face – each freckle – each imperfection. My eyes trace across my lips..blood smeared – red. Then my cheeks..white as chalk. My eyes..hazel yet bloodshot beyond normality. I quiver at the strange sight. My dark hair hangs down into my face; a nest of ratty strands. I push it aside, only to jump once again in fear.

    Stumbling back, I wince in shock as my reflection stays frozen – still as a picture – lost in a void of timeless space. I shake my head and close my eyes..only to open them once again. Still..the frozen image remains on the mirror; imprinted in the stillness. To my sudden comprehension, I notice that the reflected image of myself; the frozen portrait has closed eyes. I walk forward towards the dead reflection. Looking deep into the glass, I wave my hand in front of myself, watching carefully; hoping for some sort of movement. Again, nothing. No wave; no twitch; no sway – just my face, eyes closed, hair ragged and leaning downwards around my pale cheeks. I open my mouth – yet the reflection stays still.

    “What the hell..?†I whisper as I continue to move my arms, staring at the lifeless reflection.

    Suddenly the eyes open.

    “Oh my god!†I scream as I slide backward, clenching my fists. I look down only to notice that I'm still clenching the old knife. I grasp it firmly.

    I glance back up..the reflection stares at me. The corners of it's mouth pull up into a sadistic smile; a smile that could burn straight through your every moment; your every thought; devouring you in entirety with one momentary glance. A small laugh echoes throughout the room as I look around frantically, trying to find the source of the sound – it appears to come from everywhere. I look back...the smile suddenly pulls into a hard line. The eyes look back into mine. I stare in horror as the reflection smirks once again and takes a step back, as I stand – frozen this time, on THIS side of the mirror.

    “Well then Heather..†the reflection poignantly states. My shaking intensifies.

    “It's quite nice to have you here, oh yes, it truly is. A gift indeed!â€

    I stare back in horror. The reflection steps forward and gently smiles.

    “Oh dear heather, I've been waiting for you for quite some time now. Oh yes I have! It's quite impressive that you've made it this far, yet at the time, I always knew you could. The real question was when!â€

    “Well then, it seems you answered that question for me, now didn't you? You have arrived! Now the fun can finally begin.â€

    My lips quiver and a small cry escapes my lips. I push my hands against my mouth, trying to resist from screaming.

    “Oh well then, buck up now Heather! Don't cry...I won't hurt you. Really, I won't.†The reflection says with a smile. Suddenly it pulls up a dark knife – a knife of familiarity; the knife I've been carrying around throughout this long hallway. I glance down to see the knife firmly grasped in my grip. I look back up to the mirror.

    “No no no, of course I wouldn't hurt you Heather. Never. Surely you know that! Besides, reflections don't lie, do they?“

    The image of myself smirks, letting loose a hideous laugh. I gasp as my ears ring from the intense sound.

    “Do come closer my dear. We have so much to share! Oh yes Heather, we do! We have so much to talk much to see! Oh but we have so little time!†The reflection frowns.

    “Come closer now, we need to talk face to face. It's time to get serious. No more hiding.†The face – my face – suddenly looks stern.

    I stare, crystallized in shock.

    The face in the mirror suddenly hardens, it's face cringing with disdain.

    “I said, come closer!†it snarls. The strong sentence echoes through the room -- bouncing off from every wall. Instantly I step forward; feeling drawn towards it. I approach the glass and stare into the so-called reflection. The person in the mirror smiles once again.

    “Okay, now that's better!†It squeals delightfully. It's eyes glow with a radiant joy.

    “Well now! As I did say, we have so much to do! Oh yes, I just can't wait! Well now Heather, its time I show you a little something! Oh yes! It's time! Come now Heather..come now!â€

    I look into the mirror and begin to shake.

    “Wha..wha..what do you mean?†I choke.

    “Oh I suppose I wasn't clear enough. There's someone you need to meet..someone you need to see! Oh, it will be me Heather! We'll have so much fun!†It smiles again gently. I stare back in confusion.

    “who..who do you want me to meet?†I chout.

    “Shouldn't that be obvious Heather?†It asks firmly and takes a small step back.

    “Oh yes, you should know this indeed! There is such a simple answer to this simple question! I'll give you one guess my dear! One simple guess! C'mon now, tell me your answer! Who do you need to meet?!â€

    “..I..I dont..know..†I choke.

    “Why, yourself of course!†It squeals delightfully as a large, translucent hand reaches out from the mirror and grabs my face. Frozen in complete fear, I struggle helplessly as I feel myself being pulled into the mirror.
  2. Tacitblade

    Tacitblade Forum cat dim sum

    May 17, 2005
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    Urban wasteland
    need moar chapters plox :heart: