Northern Inustry, Courts, and the 1800s

Discussion in '2002-2004 Archives' started by bamthedoc, Apr 2, 2004.

  1. bamthedoc

    bamthedoc King Endymion

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    This was a "mid-term" that my favorite history teacher came up with. It was difficult as I only had 90 minutes to read an article, formulate an opinion, and write one draft. That means I couldn't read over it and completely rewrite it to fix a lot of grammarical and spelling mistakes. I cleaned it up a lot for you guys...
     
  2. Magikarp

    Magikarp BattleForums Senior Member

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    Man, I feel like a jackass.. cuz this will probably be the second time I critique your work -.-'.

    It was a shaky essay at best; kind of clunked together, and the sentences were too short. Hi. There were dams. They profited industry. Transition.

    But, taking into account the time you had to write that, its decent =P.

    I got one of my essays back for AP American. We had the same amount of time, about 70 minutes, but we didnt have to read anything:

    The 18th century introduced the United States of America as a powerhouse of industrial production; countless methods of transportation, production, and communication were introduced during this time period and would be one of the leading causes of making the U.S a world power in the years to come. Enforcing these ideals of building a nation often came from the intentions of single individuals, men of incredible eclectic ability who desired to make a profit in this heavily capitalist nation. This was the time of the robber barons, the emergence of the businessmen who would change the outcome of the nation for decades to come. Rockerfeller dominated the oil industry, Morgan succeeded as a banker, and Carnegie held the iron fist of the steel works. All of the robber barons were incredibly prosperous and successful, and none more so than Cornelius Vanderbilt, the triumphant American steamship and railroad builder who would eventually leave an estate that would account to $100 million.
     
  3. bamthedoc

    bamthedoc King Endymion

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    Yeah... It's not that good. If I had more time, it could have easily been written into a good, four-page essay. I also recieved an 88 because our teacher realized that, so he was only looking for important points. He loved that I mentioned "emminent domain" because that was a biggy. I don't mind you critiquing at all ;) Although, I'd like you to go back to FanFiction and read my comments on your critique there ;)
     
  4. Magikarp

    Magikarp BattleForums Senior Member

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    Well, Ive been trying to avoid it, but fine.. a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.