Laughter The Best Medicine...

[Maverick]

Hehehehehehehehe.... Now why would the marines handle simple things like that?

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on."
She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said. "That's right!!", said the husband, "and don't you forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!"

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecap. He said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!" She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until your damn attitude changes!"

 

[Kamikaze]

lol, when i saw this i had to post it

Note: This is an exact replication of National Public Radio (NPR) interview
between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to
sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys
when they visit your base?"

GENERAL REINWALD:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
"Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"

GENERAL REINWALD:
"I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
"Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching
children?"

GENERAL REINWALD:
"I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle discipline
before they even touch a firearm."

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
"But you're equipping them to become violent killers."

GENERAL REINWALD:
"Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?"

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

And all I could think was, "Go Army!"

 

[Maverick]

Hehehehehehe.... Never argue with a general.

It was time for Father John’s Saturday night bath, and young nun, Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Fr. John’s nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.

“Oh, sister,†said the young nun dreamily. “I’ve been saved.â€

“Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?†asked the old nun.

“Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.â€

“Did he now?†said the old nun evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued, “And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.â€

“Is that a fact?†said the old nun even more evenly.

“At first it hurt terribly, but Fr. John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.â€

“That wicked old Devil!†said the old nun. “He told me it was Gabriel’s Hor, and I’ve been blowing it for 40 years!â€

 

[Amantis]

Hahaha...never trust those nuns!

I've got this today:

Dad came home one day in an exceptionally horny mood and took his
wife upstairs for sex. Just when they were really getting into
it, their young son entered the room and started to cry.

"What's wrong, son?" the father asked. "Why are you crying?"

"You're hurting my mommy," the little boy replied.

"No, no," the father reassured, "I'm not hurting her. We are
making babies."

This seemed to calm the boy, and when he left the room the couple
went back to their business.

The next day the father came home from work and found his son on
the steps, crying.

"What's the matter NOW?" asked Dad.

His son replied, "It's those babies you were making with mommy
yesterday. The mailman is upstairs eating them!"

- Amantis

 

[B)ushid(o]

LOL, hahaha


I got this joke off a website:



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend
so get yourself a dog."

 

[Maverick]

Hehehehehe.... Mailman should never enter the house.

A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!"

"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice.

"Oh really, I can't," he replies "My wife loves this beard."

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in.

That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she is sleeping. The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies, "Oh Tom, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"