Laughter The Best Medicine...

[Maverick]

If you have some jokes or funny but real experiences that can give us a laugh in these stressful days post them here.

Here's one:

Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie - - poof - - you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
Sooooo, A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." - - - poof - - -. The mirror swallows her.

Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive." - - - poof - - -. The mirror swallows her.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think..." - - - poof - - -


P.S. No offense to all the blondes out there.

 

[OniSyphon]

Sigh thats not how...

Amateur...psft...hmph...

Returning home from work, a blonde is shocked to find her house burglarized. She telephones the police, and a nearby K-9 unit is the first to respond. As the officer and dog approach the house, the woman storms out onto the porch and shouts, “I get robbed, I call the police for help, and they send me a blind cop?â€


Chris Duryee
Elizabeth, NJ



Maxim Jokes

 

[Forged]

What do a Blond and a turlte have in common?





When they are on the back they are both ****ed!

Buda Bing

 

[ProdigiousLucidOsprey]

i dont know about those last 2, not really funny.... the second one was just dumb i think.

 

[Maverick]

An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini.
"I want to feel your breasts," he exclaimed.

"Get away from me, you crazy old man," she replied.

"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars" he says.

"Twenty dollars? Are you nuts!? Get away from me!"

"I want to feel your breasts. I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS," he says.

"NO! Get away from me."

"TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS," he says. She pauses to think about it, but then comes to her senses and says, "I said NO!"

"FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts," he pleads.

She thinks, well, he is old, and he seems harmless enough.. and five hundred dollars IS a lot of money.. "Well, OK.. but only for a minute," she says.

She loosens her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he slides his hands underneath and begins to feel... and then he starts saying, "OH MY GOD.. OH MY GOD.. OH MY GOD.." while he is caressing them.

So out of curiosity, she asks him, "Why do you keep saying 'Oh my god, oh my god'?" While continuing to feel her breasts he answers, "OH MY GOD.. OH MY GOD.. OH MY GOD.. where am I ever going to get five hundred dollars?

 

[AxL]

i think mavericks are the funniest

 

[Ultmose]

here is a good one, in my opinion at least

A brunette, redhead and blonde are stuck on an island, so the brunette says "God make me smart so i can get off this island". So god made her smart, and she swam to shore. Then the redhead says "God make me even smarter so i can get off this island". So god made her smarter than the brunette, and she built a boat, and took it to shore. Then the Blone says " God i want to be the smarts of all us women, so i can get off this island" so god made her into a man, and she took the bridge

 

[OniSyphon]

Sheesh follow the link it's not my joke on anything so im not offended :'( *sobs* bastards

 

[AzNsUpA-Boi]

alright i have one

1 day 3 men are traveling the desert and they are hungry and out of food and they see a hut so one man decides to go and ask for food and the other 2 wait outside then one man goes in and asks do u have food that we can have??? and the old lady said yes but only if u **** me... so the man agrees but says u have 2 be blindfolded 1st so he blindfolds her and then the man secretly gets a corn on the cob and butters it and sticks it up her Pu*sY
and starts sticking it up her HOLE then finally he throws it out the window and then the woman said
"ill give u more food if u do it again"
so the man gets the corn and butters it again and does the same thing then throws it out the window and then he gets food and water and he goes outside and says he has food and the 2 other men say no thankx we already ate corn on the cob!!!!

 

[AzNsUpA-Boi]

sry for duble postin but i have another one

what does a dik and a rubix cube have in common???
(rubix cube is one of those cubes will nine cubes and they have like colors and u twist it then u try and make all the sides have all the same color again)

answer: the longer u play with them the harder they get!!!

 

[OniSyphon]

Originally posted by AzNsUpA-Boi
alright i have one

1 day 3 men are traveling the desert and they are hungry and out of food and they see a hut so one man decides to go and ask for food and the other 2 wait outside then one man goes in and asks do u have food that we can have??? and the old lady said yes but only if u **** me... so the man agrees but says u have 2 be blindfolded 1st so he blindfolds her and then the man secretly gets a corn on the cob and butters it and sticks it up her Pu*sY
and starts sticking it up her HOLE then finally he throws it out the window and then the woman said
"ill give u more food if u do it again"
so the man gets the corn and butters it again and does the same thing then throws it out the window and then he gets food and water and he goes outside and says he has food and the 2 other men say no thankx we already ate corn on the cob!!!!

Heh that reminds me of the tampon one lets see if I remember it from elementary school...

Ok three guys run into an house with an open door after robbing a bank, one black, one white, and one asian (races really dont matter ). They run into a bedroom and see a woman lying on the bed. She tells them that she'll hide em and but they must hurry under her bed because her boyfriend, a bounty hunter, will be coming home soon. As they all fit under the bed they hear the boyfriend come in and rush to the bed room. He and the woman immediately start having sex...after one week they're still at it and the black guy dies...the second week they're stilll at it and the asian guy dies...by the 3rd week the last man finally hears the boyfriend get up and leave. After he emerges from under the bed the woman looks at him in shock and asks how he was able to survive under her bed where she usually keeps the bag of trash for her used tampons. After a moment of thought he tells her that he had survived off of the conviently place jelly donuts that were lying under the bed

I heard that in like 5th grade gimme a break

 

[CerebralChain]

So, how 'bout this one?

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

 

[TrongaMonga]

a very good one

 

[AzNsUpA-Boi]

i dont get that it where does the jelly donuts come from???OniSyphon???

 

[AzNsUpA-Boi]

CerebralChain lol i heard that one b4 on a site its pretty funny

 

[OniSyphon]

Originally posted by AzNsUpA-Boi
i dont get that it where does the jelly donuts come from???OniSyphon???

Sigh I hate to spell it out cause it loses some of the wit and all (remember this is from fifth grade) but the jelly donuts are used tampons...women menstruate which is mostly blood, hint the jelly, and they...omg I can't believe I've brought myself to this level

 

[AzNsUpA-Boi]

LOL im in 7th grade lol so btw now i get it

 

[AzNsUpA-Boi]

ok... i have another one ...

so one day there is a husband and a wife and they are grand parent ppl (old geaser folks) so they are watching a healing show
and for whateva u want to heal u put it on the tv and the other hand put on the part where u want to heal... so the wife puts one hand on the tv and the other on her arm becuz she has artheritis and then the husband puts one hand on the tv and the other hand on his dik ...

the wife says " you don't get this do u???this is 2 heal the living...
not raise the dead" LMAO i just find that so funny...

 

[Maverick]

Hehehehe.... Good one. I got another one...

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, “Mom, what are those things on your chest?â€
Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn’t forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, “Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she’ll float to heaven.â€

Johnny thinks that’s neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnny’s dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, “Daddy! Daddy! Mommy’s dying!â€

His father says, “Calm down, son! Why do you think Mommy’s dying?â€

“Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy’s balloons and she’s screaming, ‘Oh God, Iâ€m coming!’â€

By the way thanks Irish.

 

[AzNsUpA-Boi]

huh???? i didn't exactly get that cuz u had a lot of errors