I Got A *JOKE* for ya

Maverick

To Punish and Enslave..
Joined
Dec 11, 2002
Messages
2,452
Reaction score
0
Location
I'm a wanderer. I am everywhe
Website
www.friendster.com
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...... Jesus Slice you're killing me. You really are. Hehehehehe....:p
 

Teddy

BattleForums Senior Member
Joined
Dec 25, 2002
Messages
3,026
Reaction score
0
Location
LOL
The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it,"He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.

He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago." not that good but kinda funny,

Why is a woman like KFC?
......Because after that succulent breast and tender thighs all your left with is a greasy box to put your bone in!!!!!
 

kill_you

Member!
Joined
May 21, 2003
Messages
130
Reaction score
0
Website
Visit site
ok i got more yo mom jokes

yo mom so poor when she saw a crumb on the ground she said "god is good god is great and we thank him for our food a-men"
_____________________________________________________________
yo mom so small when she sits on the curb her legs swing
_____________________________________________________________
yo mom so fat that when she saw a bus full of wite boys she said "STOP THAT TWINKY"
____________________________________________________________

(ok this one isnt a yo mom joke)

a boy walked on a bus and sat down right behind the bus driver. the boy started to talk to him self "if my mommy and daddy were big bunnies i would be a little bunny" "if my mommy and daddy were big deers i would be a little deer" "if my mommy and daddy were big racoons i would be a little racoon." the boy started to get on the bus drivers nerv so the bus driver said "what if your mommy and daddy were gay?" then the boy said "I WOULD BE A BUSS DRIVER."
____________________________________________________

OK BLOND JOKES
-----------------------
There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher. Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms..."
____________________________________________________
A blonde was headed to Detroit. She got on the plane and sat down in first class.
A few minutes later, a flight attendent came up to her and told her that her ticket was for coach and she had to move from the seat. She refused. The flight attendent was persistant, but the blonde replied, "No, I want to sit here, I've always wanted to see what it is like in first class."
The flight attendent was getting frustrated. Finally, after quite some time, she convinced her to move.

Another passenger who overheard the conversation asked the attendent, "How did you get her to move?"

The flight attendent replied, "I told her that first class doesn't stop in Detroit."
__________________________________________________
A smart blonde, a stupid blonde and Santa Claus play poker, who wins?
The stupid blonde because the other two don't exist.
___________________________________________________
One day, a brunette was skipping on some train tracks singing "21, 21, 21, 21,...''''
Along came a blonde who thought it looked like fun.

So she joined in and started singing "21, 21, 21, 21," and then a train came.

The brunette jumped off the tracks but the train ran over the blonde.

The brunette got back on the train tracks and started singing "22, 22, 22, 22,..."
____________________________________________________

THATS ALL FOR TODAY
 

master chief

Member!
Joined
May 20, 2003
Messages
80
Reaction score
0
Originally posted by AnArchyArto
I got another Joke since im the host of the thread i shall keep giving jokes...

*ok there was this little girl and little boy they both had to go to the bathroom so they think well we will just go behind that tree together well when they were in the process the girl asks what that was he had there (his dick) then the boy asks what is that you have and so on then at the end they said they will ask there parents well the boy went home and asked and the dad said that was his 1945 roadster and you park it in any girls garage well the girl asked to and the mom said it was the girls garage and you dont let any 1945 roadsters park in it well later on in the day they where playing in the girls yard and they had to go to the bathroom agian All of a sudden the mom heres a scream and she say what happen and the girl came up to her with blood all over her face and she said that the boy tried to stick his 1945 roadster in her garage and she bit the back tires off.
hahaha
 

master chief

Member!
Joined
May 20, 2003
Messages
80
Reaction score
0
Originally posted by kill_you
ok i got more yo mom jokes

yo mom so poor when she saw a crumb on the ground she said "god is good god is great and we thank him for our food a-men"
_____________________________________________________________
yo mom so small when she sits on the curb her legs swing
_____________________________________________________________
yo mom so fat that when she saw a bus full of wite boys she said "STOP THAT TWINKY"
____________________________________________________________

(ok this one isnt a yo mom joke)

a boy walked on a bus and sat down right behind the bus driver. the boy started to talk to him self "if my mommy and daddy were big bunnies i would be a little bunny" "if my mommy and daddy were big deers i would be a little deer" "if my mommy and daddy were big racoons i would be a little racoon." the boy started to get on the bus drivers nerv so the bus driver said "what if your mommy and daddy were gay?" then the boy said "I WOULD BE A BUSS DRIVER."
____________________________________________________

OK BLOND JOKES
-----------------------
There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher. Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms..."
____________________________________________________
A blonde was headed to Detroit. She got on the plane and sat down in first class.
A few minutes later, a flight attendent came up to her and told her that her ticket was for coach and she had to move from the seat. She refused. The flight attendent was persistant, but the blonde replied, "No, I want to sit here, I've always wanted to see what it is like in first class."
The flight attendent was getting frustrated. Finally, after quite some time, she convinced her to move.

Another passenger who overheard the conversation asked the attendent, "How did you get her to move?"

The flight attendent replied, "I told her that first class doesn't stop in Detroit."
__________________________________________________
A smart blonde, a stupid blonde and Santa Claus play poker, who wins?
The stupid blonde because the other two don't exist.
___________________________________________________
One day, a brunette was skipping on some train tracks singing "21, 21, 21, 21,...''''
Along came a blonde who thought it looked like fun.

So she joined in and started singing "21, 21, 21, 21," and then a train came.

The brunette jumped off the tracks but the train ran over the blonde.

The brunette got back on the train tracks and started singing "22, 22, 22, 22,..."
____________________________________________________

THATS ALL FOR TODAY
HAHAHAHA:D
 

Maverick

To Punish and Enslave..
Joined
Dec 11, 2002
Messages
2,452
Reaction score
0
Location
I'm a wanderer. I am everywhe
Website
www.friendster.com
A sailor has sex with a Hong Kong hooker and a week later he goes to a doctor because his penis has turned yellow, purple and green. The doctor takes a look and says, "Well, it's pretty bad. We'll have to amputate." "No way!", says the sailor. He runs out and thinks, "Hmm... Chinese girl - Chinese doctor."
So, he goes to Chinatown and finds a Chinese herbalist. The herbalist takes a look.

The sailor says, "Hey doc, the previous doctor said he'd have to amputate."

Chinese herbalist said, "Oh no. No need amputate. Two - three days - fall off all by itself!"
 

kill_you

Member!
Joined
May 21, 2003
Messages
130
Reaction score
0
Website
Visit site
lol

anyway what does amputate mean

oh and maverich i may be the only one that noticed this but all the jokes you poasted are ummm how do i say this perveted and disturbing. funny but perverted and deisturbing.
 

Maverick

To Punish and Enslave..
Joined
Dec 11, 2002
Messages
2,452
Reaction score
0
Location
I'm a wanderer. I am everywhe
Website
www.friendster.com
Hehehehe.... Well I found them the funniest. Amputate means remove or cut off.

Johnny was an 8-year old in remedial class. One day his teacher asked him a question. "Johnny, if there are five crows on a fence and the farmer shoots one, how many are left?". "None." comes the reply. "Sorry Johnny, but that's wrong. Think again".
"None, miss." is the reply once again.
"Could you explain please, Johnny?" asked the bemused teacher. "Okay," agrees Johnny, "he shoots one and there is blood and guts everywhere. So the others fly off terrified.".
"Well that's not exactly the answer I was looking for, the answer is four. But I do like the way you were thinking." remarked the teacher.
"Could I ask you a question, miss?" asked Johnny.
"Certainly, Johnny."
"Three woman are walking down the road. One is licking an ice lolly, one is sucking an ice lolly and the other is biting an ice lolly. Which one is married?"
The teacher ponders the question for a few moments then replies, "The one licking the ice lolly!" she answers.
"No," retorts Johnny, "the one wearing the wedding ring. But I do like the way you were thinking."


Here's another one:

The Russians are jealous with America's Stealth Bomber. So they developed an aircraft far more superior to the Stealth Bomber. They named it the Optical Illuzien.
 

Kaldaris

BattleForums Senior Member
Joined
Jan 15, 2003
Messages
2,896
Reaction score
0
Location
Kennewick, WA
Website
www.sundren.org
Originally posted by master chief
i girl ask here father can i have 20 dollars the father says if you do me a favor and give me head so she does afterwards she asks daddy why does your dick taste like shit he said your brother wanted i skateboard :lucifer
Thats wrong, it goes

This one chick flick came out, and all the hot gals at school were going to be there the opening day, so this one guy asks his dad, Dad, can I go have some money to go to the movies?
and the dad says, Only if you give me a blowjob. The boy says, No way!, and goes off. Later he thinks about it and decides to do it. He gets on his hands and knees and starts to blow his dad. Afterwards he goes, why does your dick taste like shit? The dad replies, your brother wanted to go too.
 

master chief

Member!
Joined
May 20, 2003
Messages
80
Reaction score
0
this won guy is sitting in english preimer league final were it was sold out but he had a empty seat next to him so he ask the guy next to him "do you know who seat this is" the guy repiles "it's my wives but she died before the match" the first guy asked "not to be cold hearted or anything why didn't you give the seat to one of your friends" the guy repiled "there all at the furinal"
 

Maverick

To Punish and Enslave..
Joined
Dec 11, 2002
Messages
2,452
Reaction score
0
Location
I'm a wanderer. I am everywhe
Website
www.friendster.com
Yeah it does specially if you just edit your first post instead of double posting. :)
 

Amantis

Can you love such me?
Joined
Feb 10, 2003
Messages
3,427
Reaction score
1
Location
Global Pinballer
Website
www.geocities.com
Originally posted by kill_you
lol

anyway what does amputate mean

oh and maverich i may be the only one that noticed this but all the jokes you poasted are ummm how do i say this perveted and disturbing. funny but perverted and deisturbing.
You haven't seen anything yet. There was a thread where practically *all* the jokes were 'perverted and disturbing'. :D

- Amantis
 

Maverick

To Punish and Enslave..
Joined
Dec 11, 2002
Messages
2,452
Reaction score
0
Location
I'm a wanderer. I am everywhe
Website
www.friendster.com
Did you mean the Laughter The Best Medicine thread?
 

Amantis

Can you love such me?
Joined
Feb 10, 2003
Messages
3,427
Reaction score
1
Location
Global Pinballer
Website
www.geocities.com
That's the one. ;)

- Amantis
 

Maverick

To Punish and Enslave..
Joined
Dec 11, 2002
Messages
2,452
Reaction score
0
Location
I'm a wanderer. I am everywhe
Website
www.friendster.com
Like I said. I found green jokes so funny!:D
 

master chief

Member!
Joined
May 20, 2003
Messages
80
Reaction score
0
Originally posted by Maverick
Yeah it does specially if you just edit your first post instead of double posting. :)
i wrote the first post 30 mins before i wrote the second post:shoot
 
Top