Diary type story

Discussion in 'Artistic Expressions' started by Hot Action Cop, Jun 4, 2003.

  1. Needs more passion in it.... its feeling dry like... he doesnt seem to care about those 70 people. Its like... Hi. I killed. Someone. Today. Oh. No. Its. Gonna rain.

    Story: 7 Comments: seems like a good idea just needs more developing
    Creativity: 6. Comments: Could use a little revamping on some of it
    Grammer: 9 i find few and far. good job
    Passion: 2.5 Comments; WAY tooo dry!

    overall: 5.5
     
  2. ChrisH36

    ChrisH36 Guy with Most Posts on Quiet Board.

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    From:
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    Hell --- A Short Story by Hellwolf_36

    My Diary ~ June 18, 2090 AD

    My name is Joshua Nighswander, I was once a convict of the Terran Dominion lead by Mengsk because I shot 70 people at the Kel-Morain Combine Outpost on the planet Tarsonis, I felt that violence and murder was true form of strength, since I killed to be stronger. I recently landed on a fiery, volcanic, lava infested planet called Char. This planet has become a battleground for the biggest war of them all, the war for the Overmind. I may have killed 70 people and have been putten through mind-conditioning, but never have I seen death first hand. I have encountered the demons of this planet that claimed more lives than I can do in one day, owned more territory then Russia itself, and more bloody then the hellish battles of World War 3 (happened in the year 2021). I have been welcomed, welcomed into the gates of hell by the devils themselves. If I manage to survive, then God will protect me from these vile fiends, but there is a time in one's life, when a man must defend for himself. As probably my last entry, I have decided to rest eternally, knowing this lesson before the Gates of Death welcome me.
    ~Joshua