Demon Hunter

[Kuzmich]

A man was running through the streets of New York City, he was breathing heavily, sometimes stopping for a few seconds to look behind his back. He was afraid of something. But what?

He ran into the City Park and down one of the small park roads. A gun shot broke the darkness. The running man fell down with a bullet in his chest.

Another figure came out of the shadow. He was wearing a long, black coat, in his right hand he held an automatic pistol.

"Long time no see"-the man with a gun spoke in english but with a clear Russian accent-"I chased your ass all over Europe, and finally i found you, so now what Azirot, you going to tell me what i want to know or am i gonna have to smash your head against the pavement before you do?"

The one who was called Azirot raised his head, his eyes were glowing red in the darkness.

"Foolish human, i shall feed on your blood"-After saying that Azirot jumped about 20 meters into the air and attempted to land on the main with the gun, who in turn, took a step to the side. Azirot landed on the ground and immideately received a powerful blow on the the head, bringing him back down to the lying position."


""""""""""""""To be Continued"""""""""""""""""""

 

[Ntrik_]

eh I thought this would be warcraft-related..

 

[Kitty]

To put it politely, this piece is missing something.

First of all, you start out of nowhere. I understand you'd like to instill a sense of suspense by sticking the readers directly into the fray, but you need to build up the suspence.

It's lacking in description. Remember different senses: sight, smell, sound, emotions, touch...use a thesaurus and pick bigger words. Imagine as if you were there and describe every detail. It's going to increase the quality.

Second of all.

Use a goddamn SPELLCHECK, it's an eyesore if you don't use proper spelling and grammar. Most people would say at this point "I don't care blah blah IT'S MY WRITING BITCH" well, that would just show how much care you put into it.

And if you didn't put care into it then don't post it because you're wasting your time, and the time of people who did it. Writing needs to be perfected, even though it's not easy.

By the by, this little rant ain't directed at you, but at writers who don't care in general. ^_^ Though it'd be useful for everyone to hear that.~

Ummm, battle scenes! More descriptions, again. Detail is needed. Use alot of onomatopeia. Which means words that are writted like they sound: whoosh, swish, thud, thunk, etc. Make it sound dynamic.

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Though the idea of a demon in New York city is intriguing, so I'd like to see future installments of the story. But work on it. It could be so much better.

In hope you don't take offence to anything written in here, I tried to give you *helpful* critique...which you may always disregard politely.