CoolMachoStud the Northern Barbarian

[CelestialBadger]

This is just a little story I whipped together after playing LoD. You LoD fans will understand.

*******​

CoolMachoStud the Northern Barbarian​

Sunlight glinted of his mighty sword as CoolMachoStud's hair lofted gently in the breeze. He faced his opponent with a steely gaze.
"im gonna pwn ur ass!!1" he shouted angrily across the Blood Moor.
"bring it bitch," shouted ZonWitDaTits.
CoolMachoStud bravely stepped from the safety of the Rogue Encampment only to be mowed down by the amazon's mighty "ith".
"pwned asshole. and i didnt even scroll!" ZonWitDaTits declared triumphantly.
"oh yeah you lousy bastard. im getting my lvl 98 ts sorc!" shouted CoolMachoStud as he turned his back and fled from the field.
Suddenly the server crashed and the vast realm of Diablo was instantly, and with out a trace, destroyed.

*******​

I hope you enjoyed it. I tried to keep it as realistic as possible. Any comments are appreciated.

 

[Emperor Pan I]

Story 4/10
originality 4/10
style 2/10
structured 6/10
Spelling/Grammer 7/10
Overall 5/10

Reviewers Comments.
Overall, it was well written. The story was definately not that original. You might have gotten away with maybe not giving BNET names and such, talking like your chating with friends.
It might have been better had it been based on diablo itself and not in game.
It was well writtend, not alot of time and effort was put in it, or it was not a story that was hardwork. there wasn't any description, and alot of dialoge between characters.
There were mistakes, and using words like pwn, and such is great of chat, but i doubt it would pass for a real word in the real world.

 

[CelestialBadger]

Comments on your comments:
-That's the point. Diablo Isn't a RPG. People give their characters stupid names anyway. You can't suspend disbelief in the game which makes it sort of dumb.
-You just said it was both original and not original. Make up your mind. I thought the point of fan-fic was to write a story that's based in the world of Diablo. Since BNET is my experience of the world of Diablo that's what I chose to write about.
-It's a story about BNET. Of course there will be a lot of dialogue.
-"Pwn" is vernacular. It's a lingo. I used it to try to make the readers understand what the characters stood for. Most writers use similar techniques. If you're writing dialogue for a hick you would use word like "ain't". And please don't bust on my grammar when you're using words like "chating" and "hae".

 

[Emperor Pan I]

Re: Re: CoolMachoStud the Northern Barbarian

You said u made it realistic. I do not count a diablo game realistic. either you are actualy using diablo characters in a real world type setting, or people using a game, in between you have a confusing story that sounds stupid having "lingo."

You said it was a story about LOD, not about bnet, correct me if im wrong, but taht gives the impression that it is actualy a story written for the storyline of Diablo, not just a game between to bnet players. When i use chatting, i am not writting a story, i am merely reviewing, had i written a story i would not use words that do not fit.

 

[CelestialBadger]

First of all, Diablo is supposedly an RPG no? So the way that people talk when they're on BNET should be determined by the way their characters would actually talk. This also holds true with character names. As BNET is the only real evidence of a Diablo-based world that we have, the story revolves around the world that BNET potrays.

Second, since you completely missed the point, I'll pulll a "you". Yes, chatting is now considered writing a story, as is posting. Therefore I'm justified to critique your post.

Story - 1/10
There wasn't much going on in your last post. I lost you at about the first sentence.
Originality - 3/10
You WERE original. You WEREN'T original. Watch me boggle your mind. Either way, I'm pretty sure I've heard your point before. It makes as little sense as the last time you tried to explain it.
Style - 1/10
Can we have more panache here? The post was stereotypical "blah".
Structured - 4/10
You had two paragraphs, so I'll give you a 4. Two points a paragraph seems fair.
Spelling/Grammar - 1/10
The mere fact that you mispelled "grammar" gets you a whooping one. Add in all of the "u"s and the fact that you don't capitalize "I" and you're near zero land for this one.
Overall - 2/10
You didn't understand that the whole thread was a joke anyway. You tryed to critique my grammar and still refuse to admit that you're wrong. Yeah...two for ten on this one.

 

[Emperor Pan I]

I don't get it, your first post said Diablo is not an RPG. then you come back and say it is. Bnet is not the only evidence of the world, as there are other writtings on it, look at blizzards store, there are books on the Diablo story line. The world revolves around the story Blizzard made.

You merely avoided,

"You said it was a story about LOD, not about bnet, correct me if im wrong, but taht gives the impression that it is actualy a story written for the storyline of Diablo, not just a game between to bnet players. When i use chatting, i am not writting a story, i am merely reviewing, had i written a story i would not use words that do not fit."

As for your little "impression" I will not bother with it as you are obviously a child and believes you can get your way by mocking me. I am merely expressing my views, you can take it seriously, or you don't have to. I care not, you obviously are not mature.

 

[CelestialBadger]

I'd like you to notice the "supposedly an RPG" in there before you try to catch me on some contradiction. Fine, so Blizzard wrote books about Diablo. They're probably second-rate literature and a vain attempt at making more money. My story captures the real essence of D2 a lot better.

Please then, don't bother with me. At least don't be so uptight and try to criticize my writings when you obviously don't understand them. I'm still laughing at my so called poor "grammer". Haha. See.

Maybe I'll write some more stories later so you can pick them apart. In the words of CoolMachoStud: "u pwned me d00d. ur just to l337!!11"

 

[AbyssJuggalo]

The 2-sword-weilding hacked charm barbarian ClestialBarbarian pwnt Pan in the Essense of time...

 

[Unknown_Being]

LOL
God Pan, you're being a hipocritical self contradictory... uhh... human. Although less extreme, I must admit, Badger is too. But I laughed my @$$ off at that. At the argument, that is. I'm not going to call it a story, but it's a decent enough read if you're as bored as me, considering it takes about 45 seconds.

 

[CelestialBadger]

Haha! I'd almost forgotten about this...

 

[Jason]

Good use of words..
although saying words like "pwn" and "ith" let the story draw back a little.
All in all it starts out good and ends with a not so great ending.
I give it a 5/10

 

[pyro_junky]

not bad for how short it was