A Goblin Tale (This is a very strange story)

Discussion in 'Artistic Expressions' started by ChrisH36, Jun 2, 2003.

  1. ChrisH36

    ChrisH36 Guy with Most Posts on Quiet Board.

    Joined:
    May 20, 2003
    Messages:
    15,042
    Likes received:
    4
    Trophy points:
    0
    From:
    Temple Prime, Sarajevo
    It was a dark and stormy night, and Heff was about to watch the Superbowl on FOX. It was a game between the San Fransico 49ers and Miami Dolphins and the score was 14-7 at the half-time. Heff wanted a BLT, but in order to actually make one, he needed some Miracle Whip from his fridge. Just as he was about to open the fridge, a knock on the door occured. Heff opened the door and it was a Devilkin from Diablo 2 (yes the same orange monsters.) Heff asked "Why have you come knocking on my door?". The Devilkin wrote on a piece of paper saying "I recently moved into the neighbourhood and my house got fumigated for rats so can i stay here?". Heff let him inside and showed the Devilkin he decided to call Little Dude. Little Dude went into the kitchen to get popcorn from Heff's closet of food. But Heff totally forgot about the BLT so he went into the fridge to find his Miracle Whip got stolen. He asked Little Dude if he had taken a jar of mayo from him and he wrote on a soiled sheet. "The rat knows the secret of the dome, CATCH IT." Heff yelled "Dude this is not 2300 AD tell me if you found it!" then Little Dude wrote "A hungry dog and human will try to eat off your kitchen." Heff was freaked out so he went into the secret cellar in the basement where he stored 4 cows and a box of Klondike Bars, Miracle Whip, Coke and an Ultimus Bow (sadly these were his prize possesions FOOD wise.) Now Heff takes a bottle of Miracle Whip and steals a Klondike bar but he finds that his BLT he made was stolen. He went over to the living room to find Little Dude with popcorn and watching the Simpsons when they had those dreams in church and they depicted it differently into their own terms. So Heff gets his Ultimus Bow and shoots the female archer who ran off with the sandwich. Sadly she died, and got buried in his backyard. Heff finds his Miracle Whip completely eaten so he goes back to the cellar to get more. Then Heff thinks about the dog/human prediction on the soiled sheet of paper, thinking it could have been some Chrono Trigger ripoff. As he went into the kitchen he found a note written in blood about "I know what you did my dog and my friend will get you back through starvation." Heff says to himself "It could be a trap.", so he runs past Little Dude who was watching the Super Bowl. Heff finds Scooby Doo eating his sandwich and one of his cows then he sees Shaggy watching the Superbowl with Little Dude. Heff asks "How did you two get in?". "Rimple, we rent thru rhe ropen roor." Scooby said to Heff. Heff then asked, "There is a blood stained note here, what is the meaning of this?". Shaggy then said "Oh we are now convicts, we
    shot Freddy and Daphne because they hogged all the Scooby Snax and put drugz in ours.". Heff took out his bow and shot Little Dude. Scooby and Shaggy then ate his corpse, "Yuck you guys are sick!." said Heff. Shaggy then told him "this monster was made from chocolate and Miracle Whip. it was really a robot programmed to eat you and all of the people on this street." Heff then thru out Little Dude and shot Velma as she was searching for clues throughout the house since Heff went down for the Miracle Whip the first time. =The End=

    Created by: Hellwolf_36, 6/1/03
    This story's moral was stupid: Never let Hannah Barberra company take over your stories and you can never make a great sandwich without the zangy taste of Micrale Whip.
     
  2. l33t 0n3

    l33t 0n3 Member!

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2002
    Messages:
    2,773
    Likes received:
    0
    Trophy points:
    0
    From:
    Washington
    Lmao, I like the moral, but around half way I got VERY confused and got a headache!!!! More explaining needed, otherwise pretty funny :)
     
  3. Emperor Pan I

    Emperor Pan I Respected Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2002
    Messages:
    12,653
    Likes received:
    11
    Trophy points:
    0
    From:
    Canada
    Story 6/10
    originality 9.5/10
    style 5/10
    structured 6/10
    Spelling/Grammer 4/10
    Overall 6/10

    Reviewers Comments
    Heh, nice story there, although it was a little confusin at times. ok maybe most of it was confusing. as for stories, it is nice to be clear about what is happening, and it is best not to jump around and keep to a subject.
    Definately original, and the general writting was confusing. put together nice though. Spelling and grammer were a little off, but it was still a good read.
     
  4. ChrisH36

    ChrisH36 Guy with Most Posts on Quiet Board.

    Joined:
    May 20, 2003
    Messages:
    15,042
    Likes received:
    4
    Trophy points:
    0
    From:
    Temple Prime, Sarajevo
    The funny thing was IT WAS FROM A GAMESPY Y.A.R.N. Game, so its supposed to be confusing and strange lol. I won the match with 70 pts from that story. Lol i just re-amped the original the original had Heff loose his big toenail to Little Dude.

    As for the grammar issue Pan, i rushed to story typing so that i can fit the story into a post in less that 15 minutes.

    The female archer getting shot was something that happened to me because in FFT in the mission where you go to Thieve's Fort, my female archer got charmed and shot Delita and my chemist to the graveyard. lol

    Shaggy and scooby are my favorite characters in the Hanna Barbera series.


    But now this thread will stay active as i write all my stories on this thread so check often all you fan fiction readers hehe. Srry bout the confusion of the story you 2.
     
  5. Emperor Pan I

    Emperor Pan I Respected Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2002
    Messages:
    12,653
    Likes received:
    11
    Trophy points:
    0
    From:
    Canada
    Do not worry, my reviews are strictly oppinion based, so don't take it to heart and get hurt.
     
  6. ChrisH36

    ChrisH36 Guy with Most Posts on Quiet Board.

    Joined:
    May 20, 2003
    Messages:
    15,042
    Likes received:
    4
    Trophy points:
    0
    From:
    Temple Prime, Sarajevo
    Oh i am not angry at you Pan

    ~There is always enough time to be secure
    (Pointy-Haired Boss, Dilbert)
     
  7. NinjaStrike

    NinjaStrike Member!

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2003
    Messages:
    41
    Likes received:
    0
    Trophy points:
    0
    confusing at times but good....... [​IMG]
     
  8. NinjaStrike

    NinjaStrike Member!

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2003
    Messages:
    41
    Likes received:
    0
    Trophy points:
    0
    oops sorry bout posting that
     
  9. ChrisH36

    ChrisH36 Guy with Most Posts on Quiet Board.

    Joined:
    May 20, 2003
    Messages:
    15,042
    Likes received:
    4
    Trophy points:
    0
    From:
    Temple Prime, Sarajevo
    Was there a point to that? lol
     
  10. concrete_sox

    concrete_sox Premium Respected Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2006
    Messages:
    3,717
    Likes received:
    7
    Trophy points:
    0
    i rate this story 9/10 i like it
     
  11. buttfreak

    buttfreak New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2008
    Messages:
    12
    Likes received:
    0
    Trophy points:
    0
    Fear is the lengthened shadow of ignorance, AND i JUST POOTED.:acclaim
     
  12. Laharl

    Laharl Guest

    I give a 8/10, nice job.