|  |
| | 
01-27-2005, 03:53 AM
|
#1 (permalink)
| BattleForums Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2004 Age: 20 Posts: 242
| Empty December
My newest poem called Empty December
Crystalized tears frozen in place,
Like delicate snowflakes weaved in lace.
It's hard to forget the memories within,
They burn endless screaming of sin.
At a solitary standstill I'll always remember,
The painful regrets of this Empty December. | 
|  | | |  Sponsored Links
| |
01-27-2005, 06:53 PM
|
#2 (permalink)
| BattleForums Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Boring Town in NY, Lockport... Age: 20 Posts: 3,069
| It is a sad poem on my end, makes me think of last december when I had everything I ever wanted and needed in my life. But this december was very lonely, I didn't have Trish no more, I didn't have the love I had from before. -Sighs-
I rate it 9/10, I admire it. 
__________________ 
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life. So get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. | |
| | |
01-28-2005, 10:49 AM
|
#3 (permalink)
| Comfortably Numb
Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Somewhere In Asia Posts: 1,303
| wow I couldnt write anything that good. | |
| | |
02-01-2005, 04:06 AM
|
#4 (permalink)
| BattleForums Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: In my field of paper flowers.. Age: 18 Posts: 3,439
| This is quite beautiful in my opinion. It flows nicely, I like the rhyme scheme. Your word choices are good [Like "snowflakes," for example] since they make everything sound so delicate and frail and it really adds to the poem.
__________________ 
Yay! Eggie hatched! Cute chicken! Fear my chicken!~ | |
| | |
02-02-2005, 04:01 AM
|
#5 (permalink)
| BattleForums Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Boring Town in NY, Lockport... Age: 20 Posts: 3,069
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by Kitty This is quite beautiful in my opinion. It flows nicely, I like the rhyme scheme. Your word choices are good [Like "snowflakes," for example] since they make everything sound so delicate and frail and it really adds to the poem. | To many big words for me to comprehend... But I feel like I agree with you... 
__________________
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life. So get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. | |
| | |
02-02-2005, 06:39 AM
|
#6 (permalink)
| BattleForums Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 3,129
| The poem is too cliche, the rhyming seems a bit too forced, and it tries too hard to be melancholy. Watch, I'll make one:
The pain inside expands like a flame
Though defeated, still not tame
I trudge through my own dark soul
Though complete, still not whole
I remember the agony that I've caused
Life slows down, as if on pause
Sorry, but a good poem should have at least a half hour's worth of effort put into it.
__________________  | |
| | |
02-05-2005, 10:06 PM
|
#7 (permalink)
| BattleForums Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: north carolina Age: 19 Posts: 4,051
| i like the last one..
dunno why but i just do...
i had a poem that would have fitted in with this thread- if i can find it or remember it ill post it.
__________________ "The Doors of Perception" She danced around and round
To a guitar melody
From the fire her face
Was all aglow
How she enchanted me
Oh how I’d like to hold her near
And kiss and forever whisper in her ear
Last sexed by Darkmatter : 05-2-2005 at 5:47 PM. | |
| | | |  | | Get rid of all these ads! Take 30 seconds to register. |
Linear Mode
