Life’s Intensity
Some people live their whole life and never understand the purpose. Well, at a young age of 19, I feel that I have. I live my life to learn the bitter lessons and teach others. No one need suffer the way that I have, and I try my best to keep it that way. I have been through everything that an unhealthy teenage life has to provide…drugs, sex, betrayal, everything.
I was born July 25th, 1985 in Louisville Kentucky. It seems now that even then I was trying to destroy myself, because I had managed to wrap my umbilical cord around my neck and tried to strangle myself. Perhaps that’s the pessimistic way to look at things, but that’s how I feel about that one. Well, to further the story, I remember moving around in Alabama and Georgia. I recall my parents having problems, I remember a story of my mothers that my dad would go off to his mistress and the one time he tried to stop her, he beat her face against the bathroom mirror. That same night, my mom took a whole bottle of aspirin so my father took my sister and I to his “girlfriends” house as he let my mother alone to die in a puddle of her own vomit. Lucky for her, she rejected the pills and lived. She called on my uncle to fix the problem, so he trashed our home and smashed every family picture we owned. They eventually got back together…for the first time.
Continuing down memory lane, I remember moving away from the south and settling down again in Ohio. By then, I was 6 years old but was already far from being sane. You could have compared me with the cinema icon Michael Myers when he was a child. I had no conscience and I didn’t know right from wrong, I was told that on countless occasions at that point in time. The reason this stands out to me was thinking back to a time where I was upset with my sister and her friends so I chased them around the house with the biggest knife I could find. I’m pretty sure that I would have killed them all too, if only I could have caught up to them, and if only my mother hadn’t knocked the knife from my hands. I suppose over the years I had gotten a little better on the matter.
This brings me to the lovely age of 7. This is when my mother had finally wised up and separated from my dad the first time. Of course, it was bad timing because my fathers heart stopped the day that she was moving out. Don’t worry, he was only dead a few moments before he was jumped back to life, but it was still more than I knew how to deal with. As much as I disrespect most of my father’s life choices, this was the time I felt the sorriest for him. I remember being the jerk kid I was and telling him that I wished I had stayed with my mom whenever he didn’t let me get my way. He would cry so much from that. I don’t suppose I should feel too awful about it though, he destroyed my mother’s new boyfriend’s most priceless possession and destroyed every letter my mother had tried to send her children.
Well, on the road again, I am 9 now and I am moving to Kentucky. I had never been the social type, even as a young child, so I obviously never had any friends. Well, that year was when I met my friend Jordan. How we managed to stay so close the past 10 years is still beyond me, but it happened. Back to my first year in Kentucky though, this was when I was first informed about one of the many problems I have. I was developing my fathers temper. That year and the next, I had spent every day in some sort of counseling.
Well, time to skip ahead a bit. We still want this story short yet sweet don’t we? Well, I’m starting middle school. By this time, music is already an important aspect in my life. More important than anything during this time. I practiced all the time but could never afford lessons. I still managed to get good enough to be accepted into the High School Marching Band a year early. I’d rather not spoil such a great story with my music successes however. I would rather speak of life.
Well, I’m 12, and this was when I began a little habit that would start to haunt me the rest of my life. I began to mutilate myself. Most people who do that enjoy cutting themselves, but I was one with the affinity for fire. I would burn myself to the point where it bled, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Of course, back then I never thought of this as a problem. I also started smoking cigarettes at this time.
Skipping ahead yet again, I am now 14 and a freshmen in high school. Still the same stupid kid as always, only this was when I started yet another bad habit: marijuana. I wasn’t really a very heavy user back then, but I still had it influencing my life. For those who haven’t figured it out, I tend to get far worse when strung out.
Well, now I’m a sophomore. My mother had decided to move out yet again, but this time I was coming with her. We moved into a sort of run down house, but it was still a happy time. Only problem, was this was when I began smoking pot excessively. I would hang out with my friends, and between the 4 of us, we would go through about 60 dollars a day feeding our habits. This was also the year that I really began to have a crush on this girl named Tasha. She was perfect to the eyes, but was also a great friend. I had known this girl for about 3 years by this time, but still, a guy like me…a girl like that…no chance, so I kept it that way. Sure, we played around every once in a while, but we were merely young teens experimenting.
The next year in my life, was an interesting one…but beings I have already written about that, I will simply copy and paste it into my next revision. Refer to
My Life...again...
To sum that up, yes, I stayed in a mental institution for a while.
Heute
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