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BattleForums.com Forums > Other Interests > The Artist Outlet > Literature Haven

Literature Haven A place to show off your imagination and creativity skills. Here you can find the Roleplayer's Realm, our newest addition, Dungeons & Dragons, as well as our Writer's Council Forum.

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Old 10-21-2003, 08:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
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NeuroTech Inc.


NeuroTech Inc.
1


For a while all I could hear was the beat of my heart and the thudding of my sneakers on the wet asphalt. Then I began to hear them closing in around me, their black combat boots skidding along behind me like drums. I ran past overflowing dumpsters, grifitti marked walls, bums sitting swathed in burlap. I was almost there. I could see the white van ahead, the orange street lights gleaming on the white door.

Sweat poured down my face. They were less than 10 feet behind me. My worn out shoes struggled to grip the wet blacktop as I made a final sprint towards the van. I could see Hak heaving open the door, Mika in the front, her breath fogging up the windows.

My lungs were on fire. My legs felt like puddy as I sprinted flat out. 10 feet. 5 feet. I could hear their ragged breath behind me.
I hit the van at a run, taking a flying leap and slamming into the seats. I could see them all now, all 5 of them, their snipers aimed at the van now that they were no longer running, their red laser sights roving the inside of the van, looking for a target.

It was like someone had hit slow-mo. I looked at the scene like I wasn't part of it - Hak screaming, Mika hitting the gas, the bullet flying towards me.

Then, as quickly as it had stopped, life started up again, in full tilt. The tires screamed on the asphalt as Mika sped away. Through the open door, I could barely make out the 5 lone shadows through the fog...
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Old 10-23-2003, 09:42 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Interesting, like the instant draw-in from the first chapter.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:07 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks. How come it has like no replies? I'm not writing more until I get some replies, damnit.
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Old 10-28-2003, 07:18 PM   #4 (permalink)
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OT: lol we both come from the same place: an asylum.
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Old 11-06-2003, 01:00 AM   #5 (permalink)
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L0L
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Old 11-09-2003, 12:17 AM   #6 (permalink)
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It is very interesting, There are few people here anymore it seems...
I's like to see more
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Old 11-10-2003, 07:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
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ya i rarely check this forum. Great begining tho, action packed to draw the reader in and great description... waiting to see more, btw after the next post of your story expect like no replies for a week... its just how this forum works. Most people are too lazy to read anyone elses work.
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Old 11-13-2003, 08:25 PM   #8 (permalink)
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OMFG SOME ONE STOLE MY NAME
Intresting too deranged
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Old 11-18-2003, 10:54 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I like it. Has great attention to detail, and grabs my attention.
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Old 12-04-2003, 04:09 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I liked it. Great draw-in. I'm not good with them, but nice work. Keep on truckin'!
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Old 12-25-2003, 06:29 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Alright I'll write some more. Not from that guy's point of view though.
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