Another Harry Potter story........

[D.F.I.]

Harry Potter And the wizard mafia-G rated

Chapter 1: A boring holiday

Harry was annoyed. After five weeks of Hermione and Ron not sending him any letters, Harry was close to breaking point. Harry looked out of his bedroom window. No owls. Nothing. "Damn Hermione....and Ron...." he muttered. Sighing, he decided to go outside. He walked out of the room. Went down the stairs. The stairs creaked as usual, making the same annoying noise. "When will Uncle Vernon get these stairs fixed?" he muttered to himself. As he reached the bottom of the stairs, he looked into the kitchen. There, was Aunt Petunia, and the rest of the Dursley family. They were eating cornflakes. To Harry's satisfaction, Dudley wasn't enjoying it. HE had a disgusted look on his face. Harry knew that Dudley had a bad experience with cornflakes once. With a smirk on his face, he sat down at the table.

"So, Dudderkins, going to your friend's house again?" Aunt Petunia asked Dudley in a sweet voice.
"Er...yes mother." Dudley said in an uncertain voice.
"Ok then." Harry smiled. Finally, Aunt Petunia was suspicious of Dudley, after the police came up to their house, informing the Dursleys that Dudley was vandalising the playground. That was, in Harry's opinion, the best day of his life. Harry ate his food with more enthusism.
"So.......clean the dishes boy." Uncle Vernon grunted. Harry looked at him. "Wait...Dudley, clean the dishes."
"But dad......."
"NO BUTS! CLEAN THE DAMN DISHES!!"
With trepedition, Dudley got off his seat, got all the clean plates and started, for the first time in his life, did housework. He placed the plates in the dishwasher, and then was finished. Dudley seemed very tired, ater only thirty seconds of housework. Even Goyle could do better than that.....even without effort, Harry thought. Harry decided to go outside, for some fresh air, and of course, to check if Ron and hermione had sent any mail.
"Can I go outside, Aunt?" Harry asked.
"Fine." Harry was taken aback. Aunt Petunia has never listened to Harry before, or even agreed with him before.
Harry got up, and started walking towards the front door. Dudley was staring at him. "Can I go outside....and play with my friends, mum?" he asked with a sweet voice.
Aunt Petunia ignored him. Harry was feeling happy today. This was one of his better days. Dudley getting shouted at, doing housework, while Harry was being a Dudley, it was pretty good. He opened the door. Lying down on the lawn, the Dursley's prized lawn, and stared at the sky. These last few weeks, even thought there was far less work, it was really bad. No mail, no word from his friends, made his life miserable. With Sirius dead, he felt distanced from everyone around him. Even Dumbledore.
Finally, after a couple of minutes, Harry decided to send a letter to Ron and Hermione. As he opened the door, A fist came flying at him. Dudley tried to punce and knock him out, but did not succeed. It was faster than before (about 1000% faster, harry thought), but Harry could still easily dodge it. "Dudley, can't you punch properly?"
Dudley didn't say anything. He simply walked out the door. "Man.....he's sure acting strangely."
As he finished the sentence, a barn owl flew towards Harry. "Finally! My OWLs."
He disentangled the piece of parchment off the owl. Harry then ran upstairs, to his room, and locked the door.

"Hmm.........should I?" HArry muttered to himself. He eventually, after a couple of minutes, decided to unroll it.

He didn't read it. Just quickly scanned it. Harry smiled. Quickly, Harry pulled out his quill, an ink bottle and a spare piece of parchment. He started to write at a faster pace than he ever wrote before.

Dear Hemione,

How are you? Actually, why haven't you answered my letters? You're a damn good friend, you mudblood. Hell yes, I felt like saying that. So.....how's it going? I recently got my OWLs back. Pretty good........let see......actually, I'll tell you in person.

Bye, Harry.

[bamthedoc]

Okay, I finally decided to read this.

Story: 5/10
Originality: 8/10
Style: 7/10
Structure: 6/10
Grammer/Spellin: 7/10
Overall: 6/10

What can I say, I don't like Harry Potter even in sattire. In any case, you left somethings out that could have driven the story better. Your style was better than the chosen structure, which is rare to see. I noted a few mistakes with grammer and spelling that couldn't be ignored. Overall, I don't like Harry Potter, but the satirical ravings gave this a hefty boost.

OFF TOPIC A LITTLE:
Also, I'd like to point out that, from various posts in the Asylum after some other threads where moved there from the FF, that sexy and sexual writing can be mature at the same time. I might post something of an example later (much later). But we do want to keep this place mature, though not neccessarily serious.

[D.F.I.]

Who likes Harry Potter? The book's ok. The movies suck bad......well, thats my two cents.