Funny sayings/ picture/ jokes

[Oxide08]

i had recently heard a funny sayin or quote watever u wanna call it..... and was wondering if anyone else had funny (non racist or crap like that )jokes or pictures..... anyways

my quote is

Fighting over the internet is like being in the special olympics... even if u win ur still retarded

theres mine ... keep some more good ones commin

[Jason]

Don't get too nasty or it's off to the Asylum we go.

[Oxide08]

ya thats wat i meant by no posting racist jokes or like other jokes like that...

OT : OMG 600 posts
I AM THE WINNER

over 400 posts in less than a month

[Miss]

Originally posted by Oxide08
ya thats wat i meant by no posting racist jokes or like other jokes like that...

OT : OMG 600 posts
I AM THE WINNER

over 400 posts in less than a month

Thats not good that means your a spammer :rollie

[Jason]

Originally posted by Miss
Thats not good that means your a spammer :rollie

Contradictor.

I made this up, funny or not, I like it:

"Remember, You are not your country, you just live there."

I use that against people that are constantly argueing about war/politics/etc..as if it directly affects them in a sense of idiocy.

[Sly]

it does effect them, bad economy = lower wages...right?

BEST JOKE EVER!
How to make root beer- first, take roots and then mix them with beer. and finally your done! ownage

[l33t bunny master]

well now you got me going again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Handy Conversions Factors

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope


Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1
bananosecond

Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-
furlong

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

1000 aches: 1 megahurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line

A Half-Bath: 1 demijohn

453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake

Given the old adage "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step," the first step of a one-mile journey: 1 Milwaukee

1 million microphones: 1 phone

1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone

1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles

365.25 days: 1 unicycle

2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds

10 cards: 1 decacards

1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton

1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen

1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche

1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin

10 rations: 1 decoration

100 rations: 1 C-ration

2 monograms: 1 diagram

8 nickels: 2 paradigms

2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University
Hospital: 1 I.V. League

100 Senators: Not 1 decision

[Speedy]

Ooka looka wookie nipple pinchy

[Pains Requiem]

"i cant stop! its like potato chips and masturbation!"

[IDefy]

It's my way or hell to pay for you.

[Miss]

Well my non english friend told me

w/e i can't english.

[killer900]

YAY, another funny qoutes thread!!!

ok, my funny qoutes:

"Huh? What? Gin?"
-Karen from Will and Grace

“Jesus sells. Controversy sells. Violence sells. Only thing these guys have left out is sex. Which is why, I'm going to take a bunch of my money, and make Jesus porn.
’Hey baby, you wanna get ‘saved?’” –c9h13no3

"What? Who dares to insult the Great Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived-"
Two-Idiots (Harry)

"Damn, damn, damn, damn!!!! Why won't you die?! I hate you!"
Two-Idiots (Percy)

If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead & rotten,
either write things worth reading, or do things worth the writing.
-Benjamin Franklin


i have a entire word document of qoutes, you can e-mail me if you want it. Fantur_Mandos@yahpp.com

[DarkRider]

Here are a few....

1)
'I like cinnimon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnimon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.' - Mitch Hedberg

2)
'When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufrane, party of two. Dufrane, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of two, Dufrane, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, what happened to the Dufranes. No one seems to give a sh*t. Who can eat at a time like this - people are missing. You ****ers are selfish....the Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct take over their mouths, and they're hungry. Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufranes.' - Mitch Hedberg

3)
a grasshopper walks into a bar and asks for a beer. the bartender says: "you have the same name as the beer!" and the grasshopper says: "you mean Dale?" - My Dad's Friend

[magic_mushrooms]

p0o- me ROFL LMADOF ALDOLAOLLOFHDHAH!!!!

[Magikarp]

Oxide08: Fighting over the internet is like being in the special olympics... even if u win ur still retarded

[11:53:05 PM] <-=AcidMan=-> i dont have internet

[00:05:27 AM] <-=AcidMan=-> i cant find the keyboard




Mp)TriviaBot: What is the next largest country after Canada that shares a border with the U.S?

hs-CRAJY: Texas

[dP]

my favorite saying is:

STFU AND GTFO

by some mad man

[Lwek]

Roses are red,
oil is black,
why is your chest,
as flat as my back.

[-MatriX-]

Jokes... I have 2.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definantly is not for you.
The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

[Magikarp]

Stick it to the man.

[Speedy]

CALM DOWN CRACKAS THIS AINT A RIOT