In a nutshell...

[Namingway]

Pretty much i'm posting about this situation because I kind of don't know what to do.

The situation is this:
About a year ago I decided to go to a therapist because I wanted to plot out a path to being in a better place because I had been a slacker before then and didn't like it. I did it because I was shy and wanted to figure out how to get over that too. After going to the therapist for a while I felt more optimistic about being able to achieve getting good at social settings, overcoming depression, and making a plan to be happier. As time passed in the school year my therapist gave suggestions to overcome depression, like even though I don't care about anything do it and you will eventually feel better. I would pursue a goal, but my moods were so inconsistent. Some days I felt very motivated and other days I felt like I didn't want to move and do anything at all. This made it extremely hard to try and accomplish anything over an extended period of time. I would give up most of my goals in two weeks. That was the maximum i've ever done. I would go on websites and figure out how I could make my life more structured so I would be successful, but again I couldn't maintain that over an extended period of time. A semester into the schoolyear I got very crappy grades. I felt like I didn't have control over the outcome of my life, so I decided I wanted to try and commit suicide. I don't even think it was a very serious attempt, but a large part of me wished I was successful. I was too afraid to actually go all the way through with it. I then started out the next semester thinking that it would be a no brainer to get good grades. The counselor said I needed to at least pass all my classes in order to graduate. I thought things would change, but they never really did. It got to the point where my grades were so bad in two classes I needed to ace every test just to pass. I worked my ass off and was able to graduate. Then summer rolled around and I was again in a phase where I wanted to better myself. I went around about 30 places until I got a job at a grocery store. Even in that job I realized I am socially awkward. I think that everyone is nice where I work, but still I have a hard time relating to kids my age. I still am to the point where I wish I could go through with suicide, but I fear death too much I guess. College is coming up and I need to be motivated and all, but I am not. I don't really know what to do, I can't just be in this cycle the rest of my life. I don't really know how to take control and just do things. I'm not saying my life is bad or anything, I have a loving family and all. I just posted this because I really don't know what to do. I don't really care what people say here because i'm just posting this to a bunch of people on the internet who don't know me, but meh. Don't know what to do about college, i'm worried that i'm going to slack off again.

[Hitsua]

Is it appropriate to go, LOL YOU ****ING LOSER?

If not, please say so...honostly I'd say somthing REALLY constructive but at the sake of the forum members flaming me back I'll stick with LOL.

[Namingway]

I don't really get what you are saying...

[x42bn6]

Talk to someone you know better. I'm afraid this forum only offers pictures of women in bikinis, flaming, spam and single-digit-IQ responses to questions in 10 characters.

But talk to somebody. You need help, and you know it. This isn't something that goes in a few days.*

[Namingway]

Yeah, i've already been to three doctors already. They all suggest getting a job and getting into various activities. I got a full time job, and am into other activities but still things haven't changed much. Thanks for giving a good response though.

Posts like the first response really don't bother me. Don't need to walk on eggshells.

[Hitsua]

http://mtcross.org/

Call me cliche, best camp ever, work there if you're too old to become a camper which I'm sure you are.

[Master.America]

You think you had it bad because you're a slacker and got bad grades?

This is how my year went. It started off alright, but my AP teachers were skeptical about me because of my poor performance in my AP classes last year. My English teacher actually had a grudge against me. I started off the school short one class, so I got out of school early. I eventually filled in the class with drama. I was starting to get into sports for the first time in my life--first with cross country, which got shot down after I was having some weird heart problems for a while, then with wrestling, which was awesome until my English teacher decided to fail me without any warning whatsoever (literally, I had no clue I was failing at the time)--but I had to stop once I failed English for the semester and didn't have decent enough grades to stay in any sports. At that point, I had to drop drama in order to take another English class so that I'd have two consecutive classes of English. What's worse? The English Prep class was before the AP class, so I'd always come out of one class and feel stupider in the next. My grades didn't pick up, and, to put it simply, three of my teachers graciously passed me with Ds at the end of the year in order to let me graduate simply because they know that I'm not an idiot.

Do I seem as though I'm someone who should have failed a freaking English class? Is my grammar so horrible that it might suggest to you that it is even remotely possible that I failed English for five consecutive quarters in a row? Do I even give off a scintilla of stupidity based on my grammatical skills?

I'd sure hope not. And while we're on the subject of how pathetic you are, do you want to go on about how hard it is to get along with people your age? How many of your girlfriends have dumped you because her parents liked you more than she did? Huh? Yeah, that's what I thought. You think you've got a dramatic life, but you won't have seen even the tip of the iceberg until you've stepped into my shoes. Now put down the razor, the pills, or whatever tool of self-destruction you might wreak upon yourself for whatever false reason you think you might have, because in all reality, you have no right to take your own life.

Just my two cents.

[Darkmatter]

So you lack social skills, what may I ask is holding you back from being yourself socially? What other people think? You are who you are, and if they think ill of you, that is their problem. All you need to do is ignore it, and know who you are. I used to be very shy as well, but now I just figure being myself will rat out the people who want me to be something they want me to be, and not for me to be myself because they don't like who I am. That's how I see it at least.

A girlfriend might be the motivation you need. Many times I find that a significant other, even if not in a serious stage, is a large benefactor to self-confidence and reassurance that one can do their goals. Some people are unable to find it within themselves naturally. It takes someone who knows them, most likely other then family, and more then a friend, to bring it out. I don't know why this is, but from experience, this is the usual case. Dependence on another to bring out the best in you. A girlfriend may even be able to change you to the point where you can be more independent on completing goals as well. ^_^

The shyness factor is tough, because I'm not fully over that either. But a good majority of the time these days, I'm my dorky, funny self wherever I go and if people don't like it, that's their problem. I would only change the way I am momentarily for someone I care about in a situation where it's not needed. As for suicide, that's stupid, because it would just prove that you wanted to give up, and that you didn't want to become a better person. So think about that the next time that word or string of malicious thoughts enter your mind.

Hope this post helps you!

[Namingway]

I'm not here to show how pathetic I am. I am NOT pathetic. I am NOT trying to convince everyone that my problems are worse than their problems. I'm posting this because maybe i'll get some good insights.

Edit: Thanks for the post Darkmatter.

[Taligaro]

Being one who has lived with depression and ADD his whole life, its a pain in the ass when you arn't motivated enough to finish something.

These forums are not the place for such discussion, its full of children who only care for themselves and enjoy bashing other people. Not all of the people here are like that, but like 99.99% are. Darkmatter and myself for example are a few that actually take things seriously around here.

[Dark Blade]

Originally Posted by Namingway

I am NOT pathetic.

Yes, you are. Don't lie to yourself. Anyhoo, in those classes that you needed to "ace the tests" just to get a passing grade in, obviously you did that because your mind was set. I think that it's all in your head.

[Namingway]

Originally Posted by Dark Blade

Yes, you are. Don't lie to yourself. Anyhoo, in those classes that you needed to "ace the tests" just to get a passing grade in, obviously you did that because your mind was set. I think that it's all in your head.

Lol...you're kind of an ass for telling me that i'm pathetic even though you have no idea who the hell kind of person I am. You're probably joking though, so meh.

[Dark Mistress]

Hmm... I feel the same way too, Namingway. I feel I want to do something, but then I don't do it. And then things get put off... But, I never consisdered myself moronic enough to comit suicide, not that your moronic ^_^. The thing is you have to go out, and have fun. I, myself, am VERY, VERY antisocial. And so shy it would make you sick. And I guess I let all that frustration out by being mean and nasty to everyone. But I don't know, something about people and their liking to be criticized... I have many friends, and I let loose around them, but when I see a new person, I try to swallow my pride and say hello, and maybe joke around. I'm really fun-loving. But my shell leads people to think the opposite. I think a way to help solve your problems is to attend to an activity you enjoy the most, whether it'd be helping someone, or just a way to have fun. because, thats all really anyone needs. Oh, and DarkMatter is right, try to get a nice girlfriend o_-...

Kayle:hop

[Darkmatter]

Originally Posted by Namingway

I'm not here to show how pathetic I am. I am NOT pathetic. I am NOT trying to convince everyone that my problems are worse than their problems. I'm posting this because maybe i'll get some good insights.

Edit: Thanks for the post Darkmatter.

Though my post was trying to get you to respond with something against getting a girlfriend, because there are many other ways of completing your goals, but that way was the first one I could think of. Kayle is right, doing something you love may also help you feel like you can do other things if you just put your mind to them.

Another way to get confidence and good belief in yourself that you ''can do this'' type of feeling is friends. My friends did the same thing for me, they were there for me and made sure I did the things I did to graduate high school, by helping me with my work and pushing me to get it done by the deadline that was given to me. I'm sure your friends can probably do the same for you. ^_^

It all depends on who you are, really. What makes you the happiest? I would pursue that and complete it, because if that single thing can make you happy, it's worth pursuing, right? Like a dream or a fantasy, a desire even. A desire to achieve goals for yourself and for the people who love you and believe in you is enough for me. Just think, that your loving family is proud of you, and that your friends are proud of you. Wouldn't achieving your goals and being a good person make them proud?

[Zerglite]

so... your a procrastinator with depression?... and you want to kill yourself..

ahah...

[Dark Mistress]

If all fails, do what Jd-inflames did. Go to the strip club >_<...

Kayle:hop

[Dark Blade]

Originally Posted by Namingway

Lol...you're kind of an ass for telling me that i'm pathetic even though you have no idea who the hell kind of person I am. You're probably joking though, so meh.

No, I wasn't kidding. You obviously can do it, because you passed the classes. You're just too lazy to do something to change your life. Pathetic. Besides, I can only judge the type of person you are based on what you give me.

[Namingway]

Originally Posted by Dark Blade

No, I wasn't kidding. You obviously can do it, because you passed the classes. You're just too lazy to do something to change your life. Pathetic. Besides, I can only judge the type of person you are based on what you give me.

Really, I don't really like saying this to people, but here it goes: sod off. If you don't think i've done anything to change my life reread my f*cking post. I've gotten a full time job and started to go backpacking every week or two with my friend since summer started. I have plenty of activities i'm doing. It's not that i'm not doing any activities, my problem is that after doing all that I don't feel any different. The goals I have problems with acheiving are goals in which the process to get there is boring. This is where ADD comes in, I can't really concentrate on something over extended periods of time if it isn't interesting. I don't have a problem with being interested in my job, I am in a busy grocery store and bag all day. That is pretty active. Same thing goes with backpacking, since I am always moving I enjoy it. I have problems when I try to sit down and attempt to manage my time. I know that is a necessary skill to have for academics, but since it isn't interesting to me I can't maintain that over the long run. There you go. I guess reading through my first post I can agree with you that it sounds pathetic in some parts. I still stick with what I said, i'm not pathetic. Only I decide if I am pathetic, so sod off if you think otherwise .

by the way: thanks to the guys that are being cool. the suggestions are appreciated.

[Roach Of Discord]

Some of you are brutal. Go die. :wavey

On topic, depression at times can get the best of anyone. Once you've been pulled into it, you feel consumed, and it's hard to dig yourself out. I suffer from depression...to an extent. Not so much now..and in the past I've tried to keep it as secret as possible, because in reality, I didn't want to be judged over it. I'm some-what anti-social as well...but that usually comes with the package. Not with friends, but one-on-one with people that I'm not familiar with, I get paranoid and nervous. I hate even making phone calls to people I don't normally talk to.

Aside from that, depression can be cause from many things. Past experiences, your surroundings...parents, maybe just yourself.

If you're strong willed, you can get over it. The human mind is a very powerful tool, and can do nearly anything. The fact of the matter is, if you want to get over it..you can, and it's as simple as that. The sooner you see that, the better. You have it no worse than anyone else, and you can take control of your life..just like everyone else. However, it takes dedication and determination. Really, I think that many people stay depressed because it's what they know. Although it sucks, and it's hard to handle life living that way, it's familiar. Fear really stunts people from progressing and changing their lives. Plus there's the whole attention thing, and some people feed of that. Negative attention, yes...but it seems to fill an empty void for some. Not a good thing.

If you really want to change your ways...do it. In highschool, my first year, I didn't give a **** about grades or passing. Not because I was stupid, but because I didn't care...for various personal reasons. That year I did horrible...and got a handful of F's and D's. As time progressed, I realised that I was going no where..and that I probably wasn't going to be able to graduate on time. I got over myself, started working on school...and my grades improved greatly. A's and B's...and with some out-of-school projects, I caught myself up in credits and requirements.

So basically, stop telling yourself that being *whatever normal is to you* is too hard, and impossible. It's not. It's slightly out of reach..but once you get in touch with yourself and reality, you can do what you need to. Also, instead of sitting around depressed (if you ever do) take pride in something you're good at, and work with it. Whenever I get down or depressed, I turn my emotions into art (poetry, websites, ect..). Once I get started, it turns into a project, and shortly after I'm no longer worrying about trivial problems.

[Dark Blade]

Originally Posted by Namingway

College is coming up and I need to be motivated and all, but I am not. I don't really know what to do, I can't just be in this cycle the rest of my life. I don't really know how to take control and just do things. I'm not saying my life is bad or anything, I have a loving family and all. I just posted this because I really don't know what to do. I don't really care what people say here because i'm just posting this to a bunch of people on the internet who don't know me, but meh

If you aren't getting motivated for college then maybe you shouldn't go. Also, I thought you didn't care what anybody said here... Pathetic.