Which is Love?

[Tipsy]

I'm sure everyone has been in a situation where a loved one or significant other was doing something that you disagreed with, be it the action hurts them or what not. The question I pose is whether it is 'loving' to try to force a loved one to stop doing something that hurts them (be it physical, mental, or any other type of hurt) or whether it is more 'loving' to respect that decision (with or without trying to persuade them through argument).

To keep this simpler, ignore situations where the person who is the loved one or significant is not insane, retarded, a child, or someone who is otherwise incapable of understanding the consequences of his or her actions.

[little-cheeze]

well my bro wuz doing drugs n im lik well *** that

[x42bn6]

On Wikipedia, dispute resolution applies here. Talk, then get a third opinion, then go for banning and blocking.

That's how I would do things.*

[N[U]TS]

A gambling addiction can be pretty harsh on loved ones -- I know from a personal experience. My dad use to be pretty bad about gambling with cards sports etc. It got to the point of threatening phone calls from bookies. We confronted him and told him he need to get some help. It took about 10 years before his addiction was over. Sometimes all you can do is confront a person about the problem and hope that he or she will realize what their doing is wrong. Over time they eventually understand that not only are they hurting just themselves but their loved ones and that is truly what gives them the motivation to seek help.

Originally Posted by x42bn6

On Wikipedia, dispute resolution applies here. Talk, then get a third opinion, then go for banning and blocking.

That's how I would do things.*

Thats so sad if you look to the internet to find solutions to problems dealing with your personal life.

[Galatia]

Forcing a person we love to do something against his/her will, no matter how *right* we think we are, is neither ethical or helpful for the other person.

We are responsible for our own decisions and actions. Deciding what another person must do, no matter how much we care, is wrong. Each one is responsible to decide for himself.

Also: We are not responsible for the emotions we trigger to others. We are only responsible for how we handle the emotions the others are triggering to us. Which means that if someone we love is (for example) a gambler and we hate it, our responsibility is to express our feelings and not to tell him/her what we think he /she should do. Opinions on other people's lives should be expressed only if they are requested.

[Flashosaurus]

i agree galatia....but some times...SOME times, SOME people need someone to *shove* them in the right direction rather than guiding words....for instance my mother who was a serious drunk for 4 years, and was getting to the point were we could see it affect her pretty badly, so instead of letting her do what she wanted and respects it, we took all her money, threw out all the booze, and admitted her into rehab....she hasn't touched a drink since

[N[U]TS]

Originally Posted by Galatia

Forcing a person we love to do something against his/her will, no matter how *right* we think we are, is neither ethical or helpful for the other person.

We are responsible for our own decisions and actions. Deciding what another person must do, no matter how much we care, is wrong. Each one is responsible to decide for himself.

Also: We are not responsible for the emotions we trigger to others. We are only responsible for how we handle the emotions the others are triggering to us. Which means that if someone we love is (for example) a gambler and we hate it, our responsibility is to express our feelings and not to tell him/her what we think he /she should do. Opinions on other people's lives should be expressed only if they are requested.

Yes, everyone is responsible for his or her own actions but when other lives are put into the equation that is when you must step in.

Actions do trigger emotions so really you are responsible for emotions that we trigger to others.

[Galatia]

Originally Posted by FlashFLores

i agree galatia....but some times...SOME times, SOME people need someone to *shove* them in the right direction rather than guiding words....for instance my mother who was a serious drunk for 4 years, and was getting to the point were we could see it affect her pretty badly, so instead of letting her do what she wanted and respects it, we took all her money, threw out all the booze, and admitted her into rehab....she hasn't touched a drink since

It is quite clear from Tipsy's first post that we are not talking about children, addicts, ill ppl etc.

But:

You didn't force your mother to rehab, mr. Flores. You made her realize that she had no other choice if she wanted to be with her family. And you achieved this by expressing your negative feelings while doing your best in eliminating her access to the booze.

[Flashosaurus]

You didn't force your mother to rehab, mr. Flores.

you would have had to been there to realize the she was forced to go in....people can be held against their will in rehab...even by loved ones, if sufficient proof is given that their problem has become life threating, yeah i didn't catch the part excluding addicts and whatnot..

[N[U]TS]

Originally Posted by Tipsy

To keep this simpler, ignore situations where the person who is the loved one or significant is not insane, retarded, a child, or someone who is otherwise incapable of understanding the consequences of his or her actions.

Originally Posted by Galatia

It is quite clear from Tipsy's first post that we are not talking about children, addicts, ill ppl etc.

You may wan to take another gander at tipsy's post then Galatia.

[AZN_FLEA]

well, if you truly care about a loved one i guess you would eventually.

[Galatia]

Addicts fall into this category, mr. Nuts:

*...or someone who is otherwise incapable of understanding the consequences of his or her actions...*

Drunk or heavily intoxicated people usually fail to realize or understand the consequences of their actions.

[Speaker]

its love when you help your loved one stop. it shows you care for them and want whats best for them. thomas aquinas defined love as willing the best of good for that person. and by helping your loved one, you are willing the best of good for them. letting them carry on is letting them continue to hurt themselves. if they are hurting themselves they are calling out for something. they begin to degrade themselves and so on. its love to show care in them

you cant force anyone to do anything (in rational situations), you can only help and persuade/convince. it is ultimately their choice but not showing concern at all isn't helping.

[Roach Of Discord]

I can say it's probably *loving* either way...if your intentions are that of saving/helping them. However, that doesn't mean it's right. Loving actions aren't always right

Forcing someone to do something is, as gally said..wrong..unless perhaps they are incapable of understanding..(ie mental break down, heavy drugs, etc).

[Forged]

Originally Posted by Galatia

Forcing a person we love to do something against his/her will, no matter how *right* we think we are, is neither ethical or helpful for the other person.

We are responsible for our own decisions and actions. Deciding what another person must do, no matter how much we care, is wrong. Each one is responsible to decide for himself.

Also: We are not responsible for the emotions we trigger to others. We are only responsible for how we handle the emotions the others are triggering to us. Which means that if someone we love is (for example) a gambler and we hate it, our responsibility is to express our feelings and not to tell him/her what we think he /she should do. Opinions on other people's lives should be expressed only if they are requested.

You've never had a person you loved with heroin addiction, have you?