| Yeah... I got kind of lost reading this the many times I have, but, from what I can tell, it is pretty good. You might consider altering how you present it.
I.E. Space paragraphs out a bit more. Denote conversations more.
I also recommend against using slang ('neath) outside of dictation.
__________________ I am a force of good that none can oppose. BAM the DOC
a.k.a.
DragonAgnstEvil
Role-Player's Realm ~ Literature Haven
*mumbles something about "puppy dog eyes" and "crying women"*
Currently = Wii pwns my soul ;_;
Wii + Bonnie Lasses = Ultimate Combination! |