[torrid mind]

I finally got to Vegas.
The next few days was pretty much me just sitting around the house watching every DVD we had at least 3 times. I couldn’t get into school yet. I had left so suddenly I didn’t have a chance to turn in my books or anything.
It was a VERY long proses trying to get me into school. I really couldn’t wait to get back into a school. Something to take my mind off.. Everything. Until then id just sit here and food binge.
It took almost a month but I got back into school. It wasn’t that great. I just sat at the back of the room reading. I had no friends so there wasn’t much to do. I had myself convinced I was going to move back. 2 months she said.. 2 months.
I pushed everyone away. I felt no need to get to comfortable here. I wasn’t going to be here that long.
2 months turned into 7 and I met Courtney. She was a senior at my school. She seemed to take a personal interest in me. I tried to push her away but she wouldn’t let me. She was so persistent. Always insisting I come and sit with them before school. I gave up eventually and we became fast friends. She was bi-polar and sort of understood what “I was going through”
I didn’t know why.. Everyone was always saying I was going through something. I didn’t know what. If they were taking about my mom im moving back soon. So its not really like im going through anything.
Courtney was a “tweaker” which pretty much means she does drugs. At first I didn’t really approve of it. I wasn’t against it much. As long as she didn’t do it around me I was fine.
Well one day, I was cleaning my room and found a box of random stuff in my closet. In it I found a red bag and a video tape. I wasn’t sure where from at first. But then it struck me that these were the things Rickey and Kendra had given me. In the red bag was a few small items I had always liked to play with when I was over at her house, the gooze a little slinky, small things like that. I went into the living room and popped in the tape. It was sailor moon. Lots of episodes of sailor moon. Enough to fill and entire video tape. Watching it brought up the sadness. I feel over on the couch and lay there crying for hours. Time was lost. I don’t even remember what I was thinking. One moment I was inside weeping the next I was running outside through the rain. I ended up at Courtney’s door. I must have been a bit odd to see. I was probably the last person she would expect to see standing soaking wet at her door.
“Give me drugs” I said
“what?!”
“Give me drugs. I want away from this feeling I need it gone. I want it gone. Give me drugs. Make it leave”
“here just.. Come inside”
she brought me down into the basement/music room and gave me a towel. I sat on the couch and she went to the small fridge in the corner. She grabbed out two hard mikes and came and sat on the chair opposite of me.
“Now, what is all this about?”
“I just want it gone. I want all these feelings gone.”
“Are you sure? Im not going to give you anything unless your sure you want it.”
“Yes im sure.”
She looked at me a little odd. Like she wasn’t sure. She thought for awhile then said
“alright. What do you want?”