Needs more passion in it.... its feeling dry like... he doesnt seem to care about those 70 people. Its like... Hi. I killed. Someone. Today. Oh. No. Its. Gonna rain.

Story: 7 Comments: seems like a good idea just needs more developing
Creativity: 6. Comments: Could use a little revamping on some of it
Grammer: 9 i find few and far. good job
Passion: 2.5 Comments; WAY tooo dry!

overall: 5.5