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Old 04-16-2006, 12:44 AM   #2 (permalink)
Master.America
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: San Jose
Age: 21
Posts: 4,204
At first glance, the poem seems like nonsense; thigs just seem thrown together randomly, with phrases like "to skin absorb through" and whatnot. However, the overall feel of the poem is interesting. It develops a strange rhythm that drives you through to the end. I like it... you've got a unique way with words. What about the last three lines, though? They don't seem to tie in right.

Fix the punctuation and it's a marvelous poem. Good job.
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